- Published on
French Romantic composer Louis-Hector Berlioz (1803-1860) was also a lover of fine food.
Healthful eating is a great part of living a REAL life. Dr Chris discusses this in her book, REAL.
Claude and I made this tonight for supper, after he heard on Abu Dhabi Classic Radio, the story of composer Louis-Hector Berlioz liking this concoction. Berlioz’s chef made it with Duchene mashed potatoes, and we made it with mashed cauliflower.
Berlioz cast himself as a musical revolutionary. He was what was then called a Romantic idealist in a time when artists in other areas, such as painter Claude Monet , challenged the Parisian arts establishment with new innovations.
Successful in his work, Berlioz blazed new artistic trails in the face of the cultural establishment. He was a Romantic, indeed.
An appropriate tribute to this great composer, Oeufs Berlioz is both a simple and elegant recipe that uses classic techniques.
I found several descriptions of this dish. Almost all of them call for duck eggs, duchesse potatoes and a mushroom or truffle sauce.
Here’s how we made it:
Ingredients - Serves 2
2 eggs (chicken) per person
Get your cauliflower boiling
Preheat your oven to 220C
Cauliflower:
• 1/2 medium head of cauliflower, cut into pieces and boiled until soft, then mashed with butter and cream.
• Add a good chunk of butter to your taste, and plenty of pepper and salt.
Start working on the mushroom sauce,
then when the cauliflower is ready...
• Make 2 nice cones on a baking sheet and put into the oven for 20-25 minutes until they have browned crispy edges
Mushroom sauce:
• 200 gm mushrooms, button, or similar, chopped - I used some large brown buttons from Ireland - yummy
• 2 shallots, finely chopped
• 100 ml beef stock
• 50 ml red or Madeira wine
• 2/3 cup cream
• 2 sprigs of thyme
To Make the Mushroom Sauce:
• put chopped shallots in olive oil, cook until soft
• add chopped mushrooms and thyme sprigs
• allow them to take some color before pouring in the beef stock
• cook it down and then add the wine.
• cook it down til a thimbleful remains
• add cream and heat through, then keep on the lowest heat possible.
Poach your eggs in water with 1 t vinegar, 4-5 minutes for soft, or soft boil the eggs.
Plate it up. Arrange the sauce on the plate, and the rest around.
Serve.
Berlioz cast himself as a musical revolutionary. He was what was then called a Romantic idealist in a time when artists in other areas, such as painter Claude Monet , challenged the Parisian arts establishment with new innovations.
Successful in his work, Berlioz blazed new artistic trails in the face of the cultural establishment. He was a Romantic, indeed.
An appropriate tribute to this great composer, Oeufs Berlioz is both a simple and elegant recipe that uses classic techniques.
I found several descriptions of this dish. Almost all of them call for duck eggs, duchesse potatoes and a mushroom or truffle sauce.
Here’s how we made it:
Ingredients - Serves 2
2 eggs (chicken) per person
Get your cauliflower boiling
Preheat your oven to 220C
Cauliflower:
• 1/2 medium head of cauliflower, cut into pieces and boiled until soft, then mashed with butter and cream.
• Add a good chunk of butter to your taste, and plenty of pepper and salt.
Start working on the mushroom sauce,
then when the cauliflower is ready...
• Make 2 nice cones on a baking sheet and put into the oven for 20-25 minutes until they have browned crispy edges
Mushroom sauce:
• 200 gm mushrooms, button, or similar, chopped - I used some large brown buttons from Ireland - yummy
• 2 shallots, finely chopped
• 100 ml beef stock
• 50 ml red or Madeira wine
• 2/3 cup cream
• 2 sprigs of thyme
To Make the Mushroom Sauce:
• put chopped shallots in olive oil, cook until soft
• add chopped mushrooms and thyme sprigs
• allow them to take some color before pouring in the beef stock
• cook it down and then add the wine.
• cook it down til a thimbleful remains
• add cream and heat through, then keep on the lowest heat possible.
Poach your eggs in water with 1 t vinegar, 4-5 minutes for soft, or soft boil the eggs.
Plate it up. Arrange the sauce on the plate, and the rest around.
Serve.
- Published on
Studies have proven, repeatedly, that it is more healthy for a child's development to have physical play, rather than being physically sedentary and frequently exposed to screens.
Dr Chris Baker's book, REAL, is a treasure of resources for living a healthy lifestyle and raising productive children.
Screen use by young children is unhealthy. The American Academy of Pediatrics has issued warnings about this danger.
The dramatic increase in Autism Spectrum Disorders has been associated with screen use. Dream It! Leaving Autism Behind is an inspiring story of one young man's growth and development, leaving autism behind.
Screen time creates brain damage in children. as shown by at least 11 recent studies.
One school activity that has been proven to be beneficial for developing brains is cursive writing.
Despite the dangers posed by the use of screen by young children, many school classrooms incorporate their use.
“Children should be seen and not heard."
Say what???
Online, there are lots of articles, studies and blogs about how our children are faring today. One such article, by blogger Vicky Prooday is titled, “Why are our children so bored at school, cannot wait, get easily frustrated and have no real friends?”
Others discuss the huge increase in the diagnoses of Autism Spectrum Disorders, learning disabilities and other childhood mental health areas.
Why do many children begin school not emotionally able to cope with the school environment?
Why do so many children fare poorly on testing and educational measures?
Why is there such a huge increase in ADD/ADHD, with many children who cannot sit and learn, let alone cope?
Why does such a huge number of children exhibit signs of addiction to screens and completely fall apart when the screen is taken away?
Why do so many children not have real friends?
Why are we in pediatric dentistry finding that children are emotionally incapable of coping with the dental care environment? And why does a huge percentage of children receive routine dental care provided while sedated or under GA (general anesthesia)?
Our grandparents did not have these problems.
What has changed?
The answer lies in our modern culture, our current beliefs as parents and in our resultant inability to give our children what they need to develop — their abilities to learn, cope, to have and enjoy true friends and life — real life.
The changes in our modern culture include:
Cultural Change #1: Omnipresent screens, including TV, movies, iPads, computers, electronic games and phones, which severely harm our children in two ways:
Boredom due to a damaged nervous system, and addiction, both disconnect the child from the ability to learn, to enjoy other types of stimulation like playing outside, and to emotionally attach to their family and to real friends.
Cultural Change #2: Parents have come to believe it is good for the child to “be in charge”, for the child’s needs to be met as immediately and completely as possible. Quite frankly, we have become servants to our children and their desires.
I remember being shocked a few years ago when I had explained the child’s abscessed tooth and need for extraction of an infection that was dangerously close to his brain and encephalitis. The mom asked the child, “Do you want to get your tooth taken out today?”
That was shocking. It was not shocking to hear the child’s answer. What do you think most all children who cannot begin to understand infection, encephalitis, meningitis or dental treatment would say?
Of course, the child answered, “No.”
And once again, I was shocked to hear mom say to me, “Dr. Chris, he said ‘no’ for today.”
As our children do not learn to cope with difficult things or things they do not wish (dental treatment), they do not learn that they CAN cope.
Millions of children in modern society are much less equipped than previous generations to deal with the simplest frustrations. How will they cope with the real world someday in their jobs. Will they be able to hold a job?
How will our children be able to learn to enjoy eating nutritious foods and to exercise and stay healthy if they have learned they “don’t have to do what they don’t like”?
I had a parent explain to me that neither she, nor her child ate anything except “white foods.” When I looked quizzically at her, she explained that they ate breads, pasta, crackers, cakes, and popcorn. Oh - and their ‘treats’ (candy and sweets) could be other colors.
The media and modern culture teaches modern parents to think if their children appear to be content, they have succeeded.
Quite the opposite!. Our beliefs are killing the chances of our children being happy.
I have wondered out loud more than once, “Who will our children marry, if there are so few capable, healthy young adults?”
And, if reincarnation is a reality, then what sort of world will we come back to?
We must:
You see, no matter how charming and cute children are, they must learn not to expect others to give them attention to “build them up.” The child should be doing that for the people around them, in being sweet, gracious, polite and helpful.They will be the happier adult, future parent, spouse and friend.
My grandmother used to say, “Children should be seen and not heard.”
I thought that was a mean thing to say. Years later, she explained to me, when I had my own child, that she felt a child could be emotionally damaged by receiving too much attention and should not enter into the conversation until spoken to.
Now, I understand what she really meant. It’s for their well-being. And for our future.
After all, the brain and its function are more and more difficult to change as one gets older. Let us work on fixing what we can and doing well for our children. One might think that raising children is not “rocket science.” Well, in our modern culture — maybe it is!
Our children need us to help them grow and develop without the disabilities of impulsivity, attention-neediness, inability to focus and pay attention, inability to learn well, and inability to truly connect with others.
Happiness awaits!
Say what???
Online, there are lots of articles, studies and blogs about how our children are faring today. One such article, by blogger Vicky Prooday is titled, “Why are our children so bored at school, cannot wait, get easily frustrated and have no real friends?”
Others discuss the huge increase in the diagnoses of Autism Spectrum Disorders, learning disabilities and other childhood mental health areas.
Why do many children begin school not emotionally able to cope with the school environment?
Why do so many children fare poorly on testing and educational measures?
Why is there such a huge increase in ADD/ADHD, with many children who cannot sit and learn, let alone cope?
Why does such a huge number of children exhibit signs of addiction to screens and completely fall apart when the screen is taken away?
Why do so many children not have real friends?
Why are we in pediatric dentistry finding that children are emotionally incapable of coping with the dental care environment? And why does a huge percentage of children receive routine dental care provided while sedated or under GA (general anesthesia)?
Our grandparents did not have these problems.
What has changed?
The answer lies in our modern culture, our current beliefs as parents and in our resultant inability to give our children what they need to develop — their abilities to learn, cope, to have and enjoy true friends and life — real life.
The changes in our modern culture include:
Cultural Change #1: Omnipresent screens, including TV, movies, iPads, computers, electronic games and phones, which severely harm our children in two ways:
-
First, screen time creates brain damage, even in not a lot of exposure to screens. (Weng 2012, Hong, 2013, Zhou 2011, Yuan 2011 and 2013, Dong & Devito, 2013, Koepp, 1998, Kyhn, 2011, Ko, 2009, Han 2011, Kim, 2011 and Hou 2012)
- You can see the damage in your child when they are impulsive, moody and can’t pay attention. The sensory overload and hyper-aroused neural system are damaging their gray matter of their brain. YES - there is actually atrophy (shrinkage or loss of brain cells) in the areas, frontal lobe, where processing of screens occurs, and where planning, impulse control and ability to suppress unacceptable impulses occurs. And, the white matter in the brain, the functioning links between the various parts of the brain lobes and centers are damaged and not functioning properly.
- The brain’s size (particularly the outer layer, the cortex) is reduced.
- So, the BRAIN STRUCTURE AND ITS FUNCTION ARE DAMAGED.
- Second, screen use causes cravings. impaired dopamine function. This is ADDICTION.
Boredom due to a damaged nervous system, and addiction, both disconnect the child from the ability to learn, to enjoy other types of stimulation like playing outside, and to emotionally attach to their family and to real friends.
Cultural Change #2: Parents have come to believe it is good for the child to “be in charge”, for the child’s needs to be met as immediately and completely as possible. Quite frankly, we have become servants to our children and their desires.
I remember being shocked a few years ago when I had explained the child’s abscessed tooth and need for extraction of an infection that was dangerously close to his brain and encephalitis. The mom asked the child, “Do you want to get your tooth taken out today?”
That was shocking. It was not shocking to hear the child’s answer. What do you think most all children who cannot begin to understand infection, encephalitis, meningitis or dental treatment would say?
Of course, the child answered, “No.”
And once again, I was shocked to hear mom say to me, “Dr. Chris, he said ‘no’ for today.”
As our children do not learn to cope with difficult things or things they do not wish (dental treatment), they do not learn that they CAN cope.
Millions of children in modern society are much less equipped than previous generations to deal with the simplest frustrations. How will they cope with the real world someday in their jobs. Will they be able to hold a job?
How will our children be able to learn to enjoy eating nutritious foods and to exercise and stay healthy if they have learned they “don’t have to do what they don’t like”?
I had a parent explain to me that neither she, nor her child ate anything except “white foods.” When I looked quizzically at her, she explained that they ate breads, pasta, crackers, cakes, and popcorn. Oh - and their ‘treats’ (candy and sweets) could be other colors.
The media and modern culture teaches modern parents to think if their children appear to be content, they have succeeded.
Quite the opposite!. Our beliefs are killing the chances of our children being happy.
I have wondered out loud more than once, “Who will our children marry, if there are so few capable, healthy young adults?”
And, if reincarnation is a reality, then what sort of world will we come back to?
We must:
- Severely limit screens in our children’s lives.
- Limit screens in our own lives so we have time and energy to connect with our children emotionally and actually.
- Teach our children that they can cope - they can wait to eat dinner, or spend time outside and find it fun - and find the fun.
- Involve your children in every aspect of the family work - housework, cooking, table setting, packing lunch, folding laundry at first, and eventually doing the laundry.
- Teach “cotillion” courtesy skills - gracious behaviors that include saying thank you and please, sharing, taking turns, finding ways to make the other children and people feel loved and important to your child.
You see, no matter how charming and cute children are, they must learn not to expect others to give them attention to “build them up.” The child should be doing that for the people around them, in being sweet, gracious, polite and helpful.They will be the happier adult, future parent, spouse and friend.
My grandmother used to say, “Children should be seen and not heard.”
I thought that was a mean thing to say. Years later, she explained to me, when I had my own child, that she felt a child could be emotionally damaged by receiving too much attention and should not enter into the conversation until spoken to.
Now, I understand what she really meant. It’s for their well-being. And for our future.
After all, the brain and its function are more and more difficult to change as one gets older. Let us work on fixing what we can and doing well for our children. One might think that raising children is not “rocket science.” Well, in our modern culture — maybe it is!
Our children need us to help them grow and develop without the disabilities of impulsivity, attention-neediness, inability to focus and pay attention, inability to learn well, and inability to truly connect with others.
Happiness awaits!
- Published on
Holding your child accountable gives them strength and capability to live well in the world.
Psychologist Dr John Rosemond's book, New Parent Power!, is an excellent guide for parents wanting to raise responsible children.
The parents are in charge of setting the boundaries for their child's life.
Dr Chris Baker's book, REAL, is an excellent guide for living a health and productive life, including wise advice for parenting.
Self-discipline, respectfulness and responsibility help lead a child to live a productive life of accomplishment
Holding your child accountable (responsible) gives them strength and capability to live well in the world. BUT - IT’S HARDER TO TEACH THEM RESPONSIBILITY, than to do things yourself. Yet, it is worth it!! Here are some important ways to raise a responsible young adult, beginning in toddler-hood.
ONE: It’s easier to pick up after your children than to have them do it. Resist doing that.
Teach them that after playtime is clean up time. Teach them that after meals is clean up time and they are responsible until it’s complete.
No more dishes put into the sink for you to clean. No more leaving the kitchen before all clean up is finished. A toddler can happily sit on the counter after she finishes what she can do, as you finish up what you need to do. You are teaching her what is entailed in the after-meal time, and she will want to help more and more. That’s what toddlers do! Take advantage.
Teach your children now, before they expect NOT to participate in clean-up.
TWO: Never allow your children to speak disrespectfully to you.
Your child needs the security of your being in charge. As he/she learns to be respectful to you, his future is brighter - better jobs, better relationships, better life. It’s hard to imagine that precious baby becoming a master manipulator, but indeed, they quickly learn what makes you give in.
“Mommy, I hate you!”
Whoa - those words lay you back! You are stymied, paralyzed.
'If my child hates me, then I am really worthless, right?' WRONG!
If your child learns those words work to get him what he wants, then we are harming his character. Words that sink your heart are just words. They are your child’s attempt to get his/her way. Truly!
THREE: You are in charge of setting the boundaries for your child’s life.
You decide the boundaries of what they wear, what they do, what music they listen to, what and how much screen time they get, if any. (The studies are coming out faster and faster showing how damaging screens are for children and teenagers' brain development and ability to cope with life and future happiness.)
It’s right to say, “No, you may not have that child over (or spend time with) - we don’t like those people,” and, “No, we will not spend money on that.”
This is how character is developed. This is how a child learns what is right. These child-raising boundaries give your child the best chance possible.
FOUR: Teach them dropping out is not an option.
If a child wants to “quit” his karate lessons, piano lessons, soccer team, and so on, find out why. Most likely they just don’t “feel like” putting forth the effort.
It is a valuable life lesson to “never give up.” Plus, these activities have been shown in studies to help them do better academically. Unless your child is burdened with TOO MANY ACTIVITIES, keep the activity up! Keep taking them to the activity! You are forming character, intelligence and coping!
FIVE: A child being rude or behaving badly is a child behaving as a spoiled brat.
Do not allow a child to practice spoiled-brat behavior. The younger your child is, the easier it is to teach polite and gracious behavior. If you say, “thank you,” your child will follow suit. If your child has just demanded something in a rude way, you can have them repeat their “request” in a polite way.
For example, “Give me candy!” — “May I please have some candy?” Be sure they say the whole sentence. Training them to add “Please” to their demand is not teaching graciousness. Training them to say a polite question is teaching the right way. AND, YOU MAY STILL SAY “NO” to their question.
Teaching graciousness is one boundary, and what they may have is another boundary. You get two for the price of one here!
You may enjoy John Rosemond’s work on these topics. As a child psychologist, he’s written and spoken about raising happy and responsible children for decades. HIs books are supportive, full of sanity and wonderful.
Always follow through.
When you tell your child that she must stop screaming, or go to his room, follow through. Better, give her the choice,”You may stop screaming or you may go to your room. Which do you choose?”
If she says, “I don’t choose either one,” you may say, “That’s fine. Then I choose for you. And take her to her room (a room without electronic screens, wifi access, etc, but with books and paper and pencil or crayons).
She needs to know you mean it.
Pretty soon your children will be doing better. Keep going!
Pretty soon they will be coping, and then you’ll notice they actually expect you to say, “No.” They’ll stop asking as often, and they’ll be more pleasant to be around. Your friends will notice what nice children you have. Life gets easier. And better. Your children will have a brighter future.
Congratulations to you! You are a role model of note. You will raise healthier children. You are loving in the greatest ways!
ONE: It’s easier to pick up after your children than to have them do it. Resist doing that.
Teach them that after playtime is clean up time. Teach them that after meals is clean up time and they are responsible until it’s complete.
No more dishes put into the sink for you to clean. No more leaving the kitchen before all clean up is finished. A toddler can happily sit on the counter after she finishes what she can do, as you finish up what you need to do. You are teaching her what is entailed in the after-meal time, and she will want to help more and more. That’s what toddlers do! Take advantage.
Teach your children now, before they expect NOT to participate in clean-up.
TWO: Never allow your children to speak disrespectfully to you.
Your child needs the security of your being in charge. As he/she learns to be respectful to you, his future is brighter - better jobs, better relationships, better life. It’s hard to imagine that precious baby becoming a master manipulator, but indeed, they quickly learn what makes you give in.
“Mommy, I hate you!”
Whoa - those words lay you back! You are stymied, paralyzed.
'If my child hates me, then I am really worthless, right?' WRONG!
If your child learns those words work to get him what he wants, then we are harming his character. Words that sink your heart are just words. They are your child’s attempt to get his/her way. Truly!
THREE: You are in charge of setting the boundaries for your child’s life.
You decide the boundaries of what they wear, what they do, what music they listen to, what and how much screen time they get, if any. (The studies are coming out faster and faster showing how damaging screens are for children and teenagers' brain development and ability to cope with life and future happiness.)
It’s right to say, “No, you may not have that child over (or spend time with) - we don’t like those people,” and, “No, we will not spend money on that.”
This is how character is developed. This is how a child learns what is right. These child-raising boundaries give your child the best chance possible.
FOUR: Teach them dropping out is not an option.
If a child wants to “quit” his karate lessons, piano lessons, soccer team, and so on, find out why. Most likely they just don’t “feel like” putting forth the effort.
It is a valuable life lesson to “never give up.” Plus, these activities have been shown in studies to help them do better academically. Unless your child is burdened with TOO MANY ACTIVITIES, keep the activity up! Keep taking them to the activity! You are forming character, intelligence and coping!
FIVE: A child being rude or behaving badly is a child behaving as a spoiled brat.
Do not allow a child to practice spoiled-brat behavior. The younger your child is, the easier it is to teach polite and gracious behavior. If you say, “thank you,” your child will follow suit. If your child has just demanded something in a rude way, you can have them repeat their “request” in a polite way.
For example, “Give me candy!” — “May I please have some candy?” Be sure they say the whole sentence. Training them to add “Please” to their demand is not teaching graciousness. Training them to say a polite question is teaching the right way. AND, YOU MAY STILL SAY “NO” to their question.
Teaching graciousness is one boundary, and what they may have is another boundary. You get two for the price of one here!
You may enjoy John Rosemond’s work on these topics. As a child psychologist, he’s written and spoken about raising happy and responsible children for decades. HIs books are supportive, full of sanity and wonderful.
Always follow through.
When you tell your child that she must stop screaming, or go to his room, follow through. Better, give her the choice,”You may stop screaming or you may go to your room. Which do you choose?”
If she says, “I don’t choose either one,” you may say, “That’s fine. Then I choose for you. And take her to her room (a room without electronic screens, wifi access, etc, but with books and paper and pencil or crayons).
She needs to know you mean it.
Pretty soon your children will be doing better. Keep going!
Pretty soon they will be coping, and then you’ll notice they actually expect you to say, “No.” They’ll stop asking as often, and they’ll be more pleasant to be around. Your friends will notice what nice children you have. Life gets easier. And better. Your children will have a brighter future.
Congratulations to you! You are a role model of note. You will raise healthier children. You are loving in the greatest ways!
- Published on
Future generations of your family will bloom and prosper if you teach your child self-discipline and respect.
Dr John Rosemond's excellent book, "New Parent Power!" is a useful guide for raising responsible children.
A child's character and personality are like gardens. There is regular "weeding" needing to be done to ensure responsibility and character. This is what successful parenting accomplishes.
The Four Steps to Raising a Brat
1. Work hard to make sure your child likes you all the time.
2. Give them everything they want.
3. Baby them - give in when they whine.
4. Don’t ever hold them accountable. No consequences - ever.
I remember holding my newborn son upon arrival home from the hospital, and as I caressed his tiny perfect feet, I thought, “I don’t want him ever to be hurt. Ever.” My instinct to protect this precious baby I had birthed just a couple of days before, was so strong I knew I’d give my life for him.
It is a confusing thing to love a child with that intensity, and to need to learn quickly (they grow so quickly) how to temper that instinct to give them everything they want.
Even babies can be very convincing. Their instincts to get everything they want are as strong as our instinct to give it to them.
What a conundrum for the parent! And, surely, as Jennie Scott says, “We’re killing our kids and calling it love.”
Look at these definitions:
spoil / spoil/
Think about it - the selling of t-shirts that say, “I’m a spoiled brat - and proud of it!”
And, “I’m the one in charge here.” These shirts on children reinforce that a child who is being spoiled (harmed) is somehow to be proud of it!
Let’s get back to basics here:
How are we spoiling our children? How are we missing the boat in raising them?
Here are the major ways. I'll repeat myself, here. Society teaches you to:
1. Work hard to make sure your child likes you all the time.
2. Give them everything they want.
3. Baby them - give in when they whine.
4. Don’t ever hold them accountable. No consequences - ever.
Diana, a dear friend and fantastic mom of eight children (three biologic and five adopted), once told me, “Our job as parents is to raise a child up to be a great parent.”
Wow! That puts it in perspective.
We are our children’s hope for the future. We are the world’s hope for the future.
Your child will NOT like you all the time.
- If you don’t give them everything they want, they will NOT like you all the time.
- And if you DO give them “everything they want,” they will NOT like you all the time!
That is because the more you give, the more they want. Not only can you not keep up and cannot give them everything they want, the child comes to believe the world works like that. The parent is training the child to be demanding, expectant, entitled, whiny, and eventually possibly violently demanding.
A temper tantrum in a two-year-old is tiresome and no fun. When it occurs at 13, it can be downright frightening. The only way to reduce that possibility is to stand your ground when they are two (and always). It is right to deny them EVERYTHING they are demanding in the two-year-old tantrum, so they can learn that doesn’t work.
It’s hard for you to realize that your child won’t understand why you stood your ground and why they were raised differently than their friends, until they are MUCH older. It may not be until they have their own children that they understand. That time seems very far off.
It’s hard for you to deal with your child being upset now. But, giving in to anything and everything they want is hurting their character. It will hurt the character of your future grandchildren (because your grandchildren’s parents will not have had a role model to follow in raising your grandchildren.) It’s the opposite of loving your children.
Giving in “eventually” when they whine and carry on teaches children that you have to whine and carry on to get what you want. It teaches them that “No” means “Whine and carry on, and wait a few minutes, to get what you want.” It teaches your children that they can have what they want if they act badly.
This will destroy their lives, because the world doesn’t work that way. Know what would happen if you whine and carry on when your boss says, “No”? At best you wouldn’t get what you want. At worst - ??
Jennie Scott, in her writing about raising children, points out that “The measuring stick of successful parenting is definitely not happy children. Well-adjusted, responsible, kind and selfless children? Absolutely. Happy and spoiled? No way. “
Being a parent is hard work. It’s harder to be a good parent. It’s harder to get up off the couch and pick up your child who is not picking his toys up, than to sit on the couch and “count to three.” But counting to three is spoiling the child. It’s harder to insist the child takes his dish to the dishwasher than to carry it with yours. It’s harder to be a great parent!
I remember my mother, Joy, teaching us how to be great parents. Joy would have been proud of me, after I had instructed my three-year-old granddaughter to pick up her blocks. When she looked at me with a bit of a sideways smile and did NOT begin to pick up anything, I got up and went to her, took her little hand in mine, and “picked up” a block with my hand and her hand, then another and another.
She grinned, enjoyed it, then said, “I can do it!” Then she picked up the rest of the blocks.
Ka-ching! Investment (leaving my comfortable chair, to teach her) paid off immediately!
Yes, it’s harder to be a great parent!
But you can do it. Your love is strong enough to raise a child who is well-adjusted, responsible, kind and selfless. Your love is strong enough to set boundaries that give your child security and teach how to live contentedly in a world of many boundaries.
Your love is strong enough to realize what is going on, and how to strengthen your child’s character, despite media and advertisers’ working to convince you to spend all your money on your child, to give them junk food, to support the gaming industry, all at your child’s expense, (as well as at YOUR EXPENSE).
Love them in the best ways! Your “no’s” to the children are hardest for YOU. They will cope. And when you see them becoming less spoiled, less insistent, less demanding, you will be happy to know you are succeeding in raising a child of character. And in so doing, you will be loving yourself.
Next blog: So what are some steps to raising a great parent of the future?
1. Work hard to make sure your child likes you all the time.
2. Give them everything they want.
3. Baby them - give in when they whine.
4. Don’t ever hold them accountable. No consequences - ever.
I remember holding my newborn son upon arrival home from the hospital, and as I caressed his tiny perfect feet, I thought, “I don’t want him ever to be hurt. Ever.” My instinct to protect this precious baby I had birthed just a couple of days before, was so strong I knew I’d give my life for him.
It is a confusing thing to love a child with that intensity, and to need to learn quickly (they grow so quickly) how to temper that instinct to give them everything they want.
Even babies can be very convincing. Their instincts to get everything they want are as strong as our instinct to give it to them.
What a conundrum for the parent! And, surely, as Jennie Scott says, “We’re killing our kids and calling it love.”
Look at these definitions:
spoil / spoil/
- v. (past tense spoiled or Brit. spoilt) 1. to diminish or destroy the value or quality of; 2. to destroy or reduce the pleasure, interest, or beauty of; 3. to harm the character of a child by being too lenient or indulgent
- n. a child, especially an annoying, impolite or spoiled child
- Children and teens who are perceived as spoiled may be described as "overindulged", "grandiose", "narcissistic" or “egocentric-regressed”.
Think about it - the selling of t-shirts that say, “I’m a spoiled brat - and proud of it!”
And, “I’m the one in charge here.” These shirts on children reinforce that a child who is being spoiled (harmed) is somehow to be proud of it!
Let’s get back to basics here:
How are we spoiling our children? How are we missing the boat in raising them?
Here are the major ways. I'll repeat myself, here. Society teaches you to:
1. Work hard to make sure your child likes you all the time.
2. Give them everything they want.
3. Baby them - give in when they whine.
4. Don’t ever hold them accountable. No consequences - ever.
Diana, a dear friend and fantastic mom of eight children (three biologic and five adopted), once told me, “Our job as parents is to raise a child up to be a great parent.”
Wow! That puts it in perspective.
We are our children’s hope for the future. We are the world’s hope for the future.
Your child will NOT like you all the time.
- If you don’t give them everything they want, they will NOT like you all the time.
- And if you DO give them “everything they want,” they will NOT like you all the time!
That is because the more you give, the more they want. Not only can you not keep up and cannot give them everything they want, the child comes to believe the world works like that. The parent is training the child to be demanding, expectant, entitled, whiny, and eventually possibly violently demanding.
A temper tantrum in a two-year-old is tiresome and no fun. When it occurs at 13, it can be downright frightening. The only way to reduce that possibility is to stand your ground when they are two (and always). It is right to deny them EVERYTHING they are demanding in the two-year-old tantrum, so they can learn that doesn’t work.
It’s hard for you to realize that your child won’t understand why you stood your ground and why they were raised differently than their friends, until they are MUCH older. It may not be until they have their own children that they understand. That time seems very far off.
It’s hard for you to deal with your child being upset now. But, giving in to anything and everything they want is hurting their character. It will hurt the character of your future grandchildren (because your grandchildren’s parents will not have had a role model to follow in raising your grandchildren.) It’s the opposite of loving your children.
Giving in “eventually” when they whine and carry on teaches children that you have to whine and carry on to get what you want. It teaches them that “No” means “Whine and carry on, and wait a few minutes, to get what you want.” It teaches your children that they can have what they want if they act badly.
This will destroy their lives, because the world doesn’t work that way. Know what would happen if you whine and carry on when your boss says, “No”? At best you wouldn’t get what you want. At worst - ??
Jennie Scott, in her writing about raising children, points out that “The measuring stick of successful parenting is definitely not happy children. Well-adjusted, responsible, kind and selfless children? Absolutely. Happy and spoiled? No way. “
Being a parent is hard work. It’s harder to be a good parent. It’s harder to get up off the couch and pick up your child who is not picking his toys up, than to sit on the couch and “count to three.” But counting to three is spoiling the child. It’s harder to insist the child takes his dish to the dishwasher than to carry it with yours. It’s harder to be a great parent!
I remember my mother, Joy, teaching us how to be great parents. Joy would have been proud of me, after I had instructed my three-year-old granddaughter to pick up her blocks. When she looked at me with a bit of a sideways smile and did NOT begin to pick up anything, I got up and went to her, took her little hand in mine, and “picked up” a block with my hand and her hand, then another and another.
She grinned, enjoyed it, then said, “I can do it!” Then she picked up the rest of the blocks.
Ka-ching! Investment (leaving my comfortable chair, to teach her) paid off immediately!
Yes, it’s harder to be a great parent!
But you can do it. Your love is strong enough to raise a child who is well-adjusted, responsible, kind and selfless. Your love is strong enough to set boundaries that give your child security and teach how to live contentedly in a world of many boundaries.
Your love is strong enough to realize what is going on, and how to strengthen your child’s character, despite media and advertisers’ working to convince you to spend all your money on your child, to give them junk food, to support the gaming industry, all at your child’s expense, (as well as at YOUR EXPENSE).
Love them in the best ways! Your “no’s” to the children are hardest for YOU. They will cope. And when you see them becoming less spoiled, less insistent, less demanding, you will be happy to know you are succeeding in raising a child of character. And in so doing, you will be loving yourself.
Next blog: So what are some steps to raising a great parent of the future?
- Published on
Raising confident, self-reliant children should be a priority in modern society. The combination of gratitude and perseverance will serve them all their lives.
Dr Chris Baker's book, REAL, gives life strategies, including guidance for parents wanting to raise responsible, mature children.
A sense of personal responsibility is vital for children to develop happy and productive lives.
Dr John Rosemond's book, New Parent Power!, is a classic work on how to raise emotionally mature, stable and responsible children.
Putting your children on the right path to emotional stability and maturity requires giving them life tasks that accustom them to responsibility and confidence.
Her mother and father are in grief, probably still every day. Maybe she had siblings who are as well. She died one morning in August, 2016, when she took her life, jumping from her eighth floor medical school dorm room in New York City.
The medical school is scrambling to “pledge more compassion,” according to the dean of the Mount Sinai Medical School in his essay in the New England Journal of Medicine.
Why would he say that? People who go into Medicine are typically quite compassionate to begin with. They care about others. Most of them.
Of course, within any group of people, there are those who may be driven more by financial reasons, or who have mental health issues, even severe ones. But still, why would he say they will pledge more compassion? He’s on the hot-seat. His school has lost two medical students to suicide recently.
So, the spokesperson for the school has to respond.
Let us look at what seems to be going on.
Firstly: Culture of blame/victimhood. Our culture has become one of blame - both through our human wish to not think “bad” things are our fault and through our legal system that follows and assigns blame, and quite honestly, punishment, for the blamed.
Shall we call it blame?
Or shall we call it victim-mentality?
We have lost way too much of our sense of personal responsibility. We are not teaching our children responsibility. Our culture is rife with children who are not growing up well. The media is full of information about how the millennials, our young people “need” more support and direction in the workforce, and are not as capable of full responsibility and enjoyment in the working world as their predecessors.
Should a physician not be one of the MOST responsible members of society? The “millennials” are reputed to be sensitive, incapable of the kind of responsibility and commitment that their parents and grandparents exhibit. They have been called “snowflakes” referring to their fragility.
Do we want fragile physicians?
Secondly: Belief in mental issues, mental illness, and need for psychiatric counseling. The follow-up to the medical student suicides has the schools looking at how they can provide more support to the students in the area of psychiatric visits for mental health support at discounted fees, and “breaks” after the adult medical students experience the death of a patient.
Reading a recent Wall Street Journal article (Lagnado L, After Tragedy, Med School Pledges More Compassion. WSJ 2017.03.23), I found myself agape.
As a 10-year critical care nurse, I not only experienced death of patients on a regular basis, but was responsible for the life-saving measures to attempt to save and prolong life. Did we nurses feel affected when a patient died?
Of course. What did I feel when the cardiologist patted me on the shoulder, and said, “Do what you can,” and left the ICU? I felt a sense of huge responsibility, commitment, love and concern for the patient and family.
What did I feel when we had lost a child patient in the emergency room and the attending ER doc said, “Would you go tell the family?” Huge responsibility, commitment, love and concern. I knew I could do that well, even knowing I would most likely be teary with the parents, and help them through the first moments.
And these docs who delegated huge responsibility to a capable and dedicated nurse were not snowflakes. They were quite responsible with venerable careers in medicine who were sharing shouldering the burden of human suffering.
None of my colleagues nor the physicians that I knew well had psychiatric or psychologic counseling or “breaks” when the patient died. We all grew emotionally, spiritually, and in our awareness of the preciousness of life as well as the limitations of life, medicine — even modern medicine.
For me and my colleagues, in medicine and in patient care, each day is one full of anticipation and excitement for what we can bring to our patients. It is a day full of Gratitude as the day’s operative belief.
Why are medical school academics not familiar and comfortable for the medical student?
OK - I went to dental school, AND worked basically full-time as a nurse, through my four years of dental school. I have been appointed to faculties at 3 dental schools and taught medical and dental students, and I have been part of admission committees deciding which applicants get an interview, and which of the interviewees get an offer to be a student in that school.
I have watched my son become a dental school faculty member after his medical school education, and in addition to his huge responsibilities running two clinics, faculty practice, and the other a patient care clinic, he is doing his post-doctoral Master’s in Public Health and being an active husband and father in his nuclear family. (And yes, he has a wonderful wife!) He loves it all. It makes for a wonderful life of love of others.
As to the medical education and its academic pressures: The students admitted to medical school have demonstrated academic ability in the tough pre-med courses, and finish those with high GPA’s, high MCAT scores, and high involvement in extra-curricular activities. In fact, the committees aren’t interested in students who have not shown a high involvement in extra-curricular areas, including work.
Why? Because, the student who has not handled the well-rounded schedule of schoolwork, community work, and other areas of teamwork, will not thrive in medical school. Other areas of teamwork include athletics, music (choir, band, etc.), volunteer work. These help show an applicant’s balance and “whole-person-ness.”
Grueling academics? Sure, it’s top-level academics. Don’t you want your physician to know stuff? But grueling? These students have shown they can handle their demanding academics and still handle life. There are days, weeks, semesters, in medical school that challenge one, and especially the student with a young family, or with family members who are very ill, or a marriage that is not solid.
And, the schools might need to improve their support of those students in that the student should be encouraged to take a leave of absence in order to deal with the life-challenges and then come back to medical school if they feel — and are — ready.
Surely, even our most capable students, admitted to medical school, having grown up in our victim-culture, modern media, including news, movies and social-media, and resultant societal beliefs, are vulnerable to, as the articles suggest, the “burn-out” and depression of being a medical student.
It is the school’s responsibility to help any students that are not thriving, to be identified and counseled that the fit of the profession may not be for them, to encourage student groups to discuss and help each other in the experiences of medical training. But to decide that, as Mt Sinai has done, that “honors” should be given to more than just the 25% that earned it, that “high pass” should also be given to a bigger group, is absurd. Their rationale is that the system “PROVOKED intense rivalry among students,” is the same sort of thinking that leads every soccer player to get a trophy.
And so, Mt Sinai med school “hopes to drop these limits altogether.” Every student will be equal.
REALLY?
Isn’t that more of what got us into this mess already? When the students have no evaluations or performance grading, how will the residencies and post-doctoral specialty programs choose their applicants from the pool. The suicidal med student will be an equivalent candidate to the most mature med student?
What kind of medical care will be provided by the student who has been told he is “honors” material when he is not, or by the student who believes he is “burned out” when he graduates, or by the student who utilizes the psychiatrist who is treating the mental health issues the young physician believes he has? Do you want your physician to be one of those doctors?
And, as my husband Claude points out, after his law school education, what a field-day the lawyers will have when a family or patient sues the doctor who has a history of psychiatric /psychologic counseling throughout school and beyond. (HIPAA, you say?
There is no such thing as confidentiality today. Just ask the leakers of the highest level confidential and classified information in the news, no less. No, on top of burn out, those physicians will have a hell of a time with the lawyers.
Yes, the medical schools owe their students the responsibility of taking the most ready, capable, mature, mentally healthy applicants, and then monitoring them at every level possible, and guiding, supporting and mentoring them to remain capable, mature, and mentally healthy. The schools must understand that what we believe is what we become.
The physicians who are responsible for these medical students must be brave enough to notice, say so, help as they can, including limiting the at-risk student to a leave of absence, or out of school. That is far better than seeing medical student lives lost to suicide, AND patient lives lost to mentally fragile physicians.
And we as parents must work on teaching our children responsibility and not victimhood. Let us have days full of Gratitude as the day’s operative belief. It is time.
The medical school is scrambling to “pledge more compassion,” according to the dean of the Mount Sinai Medical School in his essay in the New England Journal of Medicine.
Why would he say that? People who go into Medicine are typically quite compassionate to begin with. They care about others. Most of them.
Of course, within any group of people, there are those who may be driven more by financial reasons, or who have mental health issues, even severe ones. But still, why would he say they will pledge more compassion? He’s on the hot-seat. His school has lost two medical students to suicide recently.
So, the spokesperson for the school has to respond.
Let us look at what seems to be going on.
Firstly: Culture of blame/victimhood. Our culture has become one of blame - both through our human wish to not think “bad” things are our fault and through our legal system that follows and assigns blame, and quite honestly, punishment, for the blamed.
Shall we call it blame?
Or shall we call it victim-mentality?
We have lost way too much of our sense of personal responsibility. We are not teaching our children responsibility. Our culture is rife with children who are not growing up well. The media is full of information about how the millennials, our young people “need” more support and direction in the workforce, and are not as capable of full responsibility and enjoyment in the working world as their predecessors.
Should a physician not be one of the MOST responsible members of society? The “millennials” are reputed to be sensitive, incapable of the kind of responsibility and commitment that their parents and grandparents exhibit. They have been called “snowflakes” referring to their fragility.
Do we want fragile physicians?
Secondly: Belief in mental issues, mental illness, and need for psychiatric counseling. The follow-up to the medical student suicides has the schools looking at how they can provide more support to the students in the area of psychiatric visits for mental health support at discounted fees, and “breaks” after the adult medical students experience the death of a patient.
Reading a recent Wall Street Journal article (Lagnado L, After Tragedy, Med School Pledges More Compassion. WSJ 2017.03.23), I found myself agape.
As a 10-year critical care nurse, I not only experienced death of patients on a regular basis, but was responsible for the life-saving measures to attempt to save and prolong life. Did we nurses feel affected when a patient died?
Of course. What did I feel when the cardiologist patted me on the shoulder, and said, “Do what you can,” and left the ICU? I felt a sense of huge responsibility, commitment, love and concern for the patient and family.
What did I feel when we had lost a child patient in the emergency room and the attending ER doc said, “Would you go tell the family?” Huge responsibility, commitment, love and concern. I knew I could do that well, even knowing I would most likely be teary with the parents, and help them through the first moments.
And these docs who delegated huge responsibility to a capable and dedicated nurse were not snowflakes. They were quite responsible with venerable careers in medicine who were sharing shouldering the burden of human suffering.
None of my colleagues nor the physicians that I knew well had psychiatric or psychologic counseling or “breaks” when the patient died. We all grew emotionally, spiritually, and in our awareness of the preciousness of life as well as the limitations of life, medicine — even modern medicine.
For me and my colleagues, in medicine and in patient care, each day is one full of anticipation and excitement for what we can bring to our patients. It is a day full of Gratitude as the day’s operative belief.
Why are medical school academics not familiar and comfortable for the medical student?
OK - I went to dental school, AND worked basically full-time as a nurse, through my four years of dental school. I have been appointed to faculties at 3 dental schools and taught medical and dental students, and I have been part of admission committees deciding which applicants get an interview, and which of the interviewees get an offer to be a student in that school.
I have watched my son become a dental school faculty member after his medical school education, and in addition to his huge responsibilities running two clinics, faculty practice, and the other a patient care clinic, he is doing his post-doctoral Master’s in Public Health and being an active husband and father in his nuclear family. (And yes, he has a wonderful wife!) He loves it all. It makes for a wonderful life of love of others.
As to the medical education and its academic pressures: The students admitted to medical school have demonstrated academic ability in the tough pre-med courses, and finish those with high GPA’s, high MCAT scores, and high involvement in extra-curricular activities. In fact, the committees aren’t interested in students who have not shown a high involvement in extra-curricular areas, including work.
Why? Because, the student who has not handled the well-rounded schedule of schoolwork, community work, and other areas of teamwork, will not thrive in medical school. Other areas of teamwork include athletics, music (choir, band, etc.), volunteer work. These help show an applicant’s balance and “whole-person-ness.”
Grueling academics? Sure, it’s top-level academics. Don’t you want your physician to know stuff? But grueling? These students have shown they can handle their demanding academics and still handle life. There are days, weeks, semesters, in medical school that challenge one, and especially the student with a young family, or with family members who are very ill, or a marriage that is not solid.
And, the schools might need to improve their support of those students in that the student should be encouraged to take a leave of absence in order to deal with the life-challenges and then come back to medical school if they feel — and are — ready.
Surely, even our most capable students, admitted to medical school, having grown up in our victim-culture, modern media, including news, movies and social-media, and resultant societal beliefs, are vulnerable to, as the articles suggest, the “burn-out” and depression of being a medical student.
It is the school’s responsibility to help any students that are not thriving, to be identified and counseled that the fit of the profession may not be for them, to encourage student groups to discuss and help each other in the experiences of medical training. But to decide that, as Mt Sinai has done, that “honors” should be given to more than just the 25% that earned it, that “high pass” should also be given to a bigger group, is absurd. Their rationale is that the system “PROVOKED intense rivalry among students,” is the same sort of thinking that leads every soccer player to get a trophy.
And so, Mt Sinai med school “hopes to drop these limits altogether.” Every student will be equal.
REALLY?
Isn’t that more of what got us into this mess already? When the students have no evaluations or performance grading, how will the residencies and post-doctoral specialty programs choose their applicants from the pool. The suicidal med student will be an equivalent candidate to the most mature med student?
What kind of medical care will be provided by the student who has been told he is “honors” material when he is not, or by the student who believes he is “burned out” when he graduates, or by the student who utilizes the psychiatrist who is treating the mental health issues the young physician believes he has? Do you want your physician to be one of those doctors?
And, as my husband Claude points out, after his law school education, what a field-day the lawyers will have when a family or patient sues the doctor who has a history of psychiatric /psychologic counseling throughout school and beyond. (HIPAA, you say?
There is no such thing as confidentiality today. Just ask the leakers of the highest level confidential and classified information in the news, no less. No, on top of burn out, those physicians will have a hell of a time with the lawyers.
Yes, the medical schools owe their students the responsibility of taking the most ready, capable, mature, mentally healthy applicants, and then monitoring them at every level possible, and guiding, supporting and mentoring them to remain capable, mature, and mentally healthy. The schools must understand that what we believe is what we become.
The physicians who are responsible for these medical students must be brave enough to notice, say so, help as they can, including limiting the at-risk student to a leave of absence, or out of school. That is far better than seeing medical student lives lost to suicide, AND patient lives lost to mentally fragile physicians.
And we as parents must work on teaching our children responsibility and not victimhood. Let us have days full of Gratitude as the day’s operative belief. It is time.
- Published on
Activities for children where they learn real-life skills are far healthier than screen use.
Cris A. Rowan's book, Virtual Child, describes the dangers to children created by screen use.
Excluding screen use by children helps create a bright future for your child.
Handheld Devices should be banned for children under the age of 12, AND screens and technology should be severely limited with all children.
Why? The American Academy of Pediatrics and the Canadian Society of Pediatrics say:
Because use of screen technology (TV, cell phones, electronic games, internet, iPads, tablets, computers) is associated with:
Pediatricians report seeing patients age 3 to 6 years old who have become addicted to their devices and do not sleep more than 4 hours a night, and cannot cope with the device being taken away.
High frequency gamma brainwaves are associated with perception and higher brain activity, and are present when a child is telling a story, listening to a story, drawing or playing imaginatively with other children.
Research shows this brain activity flatlines (is ABSENT) when children are on screens. This is serious, especially in a child whose brain should be rapidly developing at age 2... or 3... or 4... or 8 or 9…
Instead, the doctors are seeing the children because they do not sleep, have delayed speech and have persistent headaches, ADD, ADHD.
The terrifying truth is that technology is taking our children’s futures! Read: Virtual Child: The Terrifying Truth About What Technology is Doing to Children by Cris A. Rowan . (See the left column to order this book.)
We have gone down the wrong path. Technology as a learning mechanism is just plain wrong. I know, I know. How could alll these educators be wrong? We don’t know until we know. Now we are seeing the results, number 1 through 10, above.
Protect your child. Take away the handheld devices; seriously limit ALL screens - TV’s, movies, games, iPads, tablets and all!
Why? The American Academy of Pediatrics and the Canadian Society of Pediatrics say:
Because use of screen technology (TV, cell phones, electronic games, internet, iPads, tablets, computers) is associated with:
- stunted, delayed, impaired, and decreased brain growth.
- developmental delays, poorer literacy, poorer learning and poorer academic achievement;
- obesity and diabetes;
- poor sleep;
- poorer grades;
- mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety, attachment disorder, attention deficit disorder, autism, bipolar disorder, psychosis, behavioral problems and aggression;
- decreased concentration and memory, due to the brain not developing neuronal tracks to the frontal cortex;
- addictions;
- radiation illnesses, including cancer. Children are more sensitive than adults because their brains and immune systems are still developing;
- lack of a good future.
Pediatricians report seeing patients age 3 to 6 years old who have become addicted to their devices and do not sleep more than 4 hours a night, and cannot cope with the device being taken away.
High frequency gamma brainwaves are associated with perception and higher brain activity, and are present when a child is telling a story, listening to a story, drawing or playing imaginatively with other children.
Research shows this brain activity flatlines (is ABSENT) when children are on screens. This is serious, especially in a child whose brain should be rapidly developing at age 2... or 3... or 4... or 8 or 9…
Instead, the doctors are seeing the children because they do not sleep, have delayed speech and have persistent headaches, ADD, ADHD.
The terrifying truth is that technology is taking our children’s futures! Read: Virtual Child: The Terrifying Truth About What Technology is Doing to Children by Cris A. Rowan . (See the left column to order this book.)
We have gone down the wrong path. Technology as a learning mechanism is just plain wrong. I know, I know. How could alll these educators be wrong? We don’t know until we know. Now we are seeing the results, number 1 through 10, above.
Protect your child. Take away the handheld devices; seriously limit ALL screens - TV’s, movies, games, iPads, tablets and all!
- Published on
Dr Chris honed her cooking skills while in dental school. She subscribed to Bon Appetit Magazine and learned new recipes each month.
Some Thursdays, we open my orthodontics office earlier, from 7am until 3pm.
A few months ago, I thought those hours might give parents some early morning appointments, to avoid the conflict of school and orthodontic appointments. Turns out, it seems to be quite popular. Since the staff, Claude and I get up quite early to be at the office “ bright-eyed and bushy-tailed” and ready for the patients, I usually provide “breakfast.”
Breakfast has included yummy fresh baked croissants and pain au chocolate (chocolate croissants) from Spinney’s, that absolutely brilliant, gorgeous food emporium, as well as other nifty pastries.
Yesterday I enjoyed making a Sour Cream Coffee Cake to take in this morning.
It was fun to share it with the staff and with several of the early morning moms. Since every single mom wanted the recipe, I thought it would be fun to share with you here. In fact, I think I’ll share recipes regularly with you, as I absolutely love to cook, AND have some fabulous recipes.
This particular recipe’s history is part of my dental education. When I was in dental school, there was no money to be “going out” to eat. The money we had was hard-earned at the hospital where I worked as a nurse throughout dental school. Those evening shifts definitely paid the basic expenses, but not any going out expenses.
So, I subscribed to Bon Appetit magazine during the dental school years (only 9.95 per year - a veritable steal!). Each month a treasured new edition of recipes came to my mailbox. During the ensuing month, I made many of the recipes in each Bon Appetit, and boy! did I learn a lot about cooking! Oh - and boy, did we eat some great food! For cheap!
It so spoiled us that now eating at home beats the heck out of going out most any place you can name. Seriously!
One of the recipes discovered along the way is this one.
Sour Cream Coffee Cake.
350 degree oven (177 C)
Butter a bundt pan
Mix and chop in the processor, then set aside:
2T sugar
1T cinnamon
½ c pecans or walnuts
Mix in food processor in this order:
2 sticks of butter, softened in the microwave for 20 seconds
2c sugar
Then:
2 eggs
1 c sour cream, preferably Daisy brand (no junk/preservatives)
or Lebneh if you are in the UAE
1t Baking Powder
1/8t salt
1/2t vanilla extract
And then:
2 c flour
Finally:
1/3-1/2c of chocolate chips – just barely mix in Processor using short on-off turns
Spoon into bundt pan. Spoon about half in several large spoonfuls into pan, and sprinkle about half of cinnamon-sugar mixture over the batter, then spoon the other half into the bundt pan and sprinkle the rest of the cinnamon-sugar mixture over that.
Pop into the oven for about 1 hour, or until a little bamboo skewer comes out clean. Mine often take 1 hour and 10-15 minutes additional.
You should know that this melt-in-your-mouth cake that begs for coffee alongside, has been our family’s tradition on Thanksgiving morning and Christmas morning, ever since dental school. And, you can make several up one evening, and repeat another evening, and freeze them wrapped in foil, and into a ziplock bag, and have amazing presents for colleagues and friends.
We have started making these cakes some years around Thanksgiving weekend. We'll have a freezer full of 10-12 or more ready to take out of the freezer on an evening, and the next morning put a big red bow on it to delight someone.
It’s also nice to have your Christmas breakfast ready and waiting. Take it out of the freezer on Christmas Eve, and the next morning it will be ready to serve. That is if Santa hasn’t helped himself on his way outta Dodge.
Though the warm spice and butter-sugar cake scent wafting through the house makes it surely tempting to bake and then eat warm, right out of the oven. And it is goo-ooo-ood!
If you’re going to freeze them, BE SURE to let the cake cool completely to room temperature after it comes out of the oven, before you wrap and freeze.
Be sure to let me know just how yummy you think this recipe is, AND any ideas for enjoying it! You know I love to expand my cooking and baking in every way possible.
A few months ago, I thought those hours might give parents some early morning appointments, to avoid the conflict of school and orthodontic appointments. Turns out, it seems to be quite popular. Since the staff, Claude and I get up quite early to be at the office “ bright-eyed and bushy-tailed” and ready for the patients, I usually provide “breakfast.”
Breakfast has included yummy fresh baked croissants and pain au chocolate (chocolate croissants) from Spinney’s, that absolutely brilliant, gorgeous food emporium, as well as other nifty pastries.
Yesterday I enjoyed making a Sour Cream Coffee Cake to take in this morning.
It was fun to share it with the staff and with several of the early morning moms. Since every single mom wanted the recipe, I thought it would be fun to share with you here. In fact, I think I’ll share recipes regularly with you, as I absolutely love to cook, AND have some fabulous recipes.
This particular recipe’s history is part of my dental education. When I was in dental school, there was no money to be “going out” to eat. The money we had was hard-earned at the hospital where I worked as a nurse throughout dental school. Those evening shifts definitely paid the basic expenses, but not any going out expenses.
So, I subscribed to Bon Appetit magazine during the dental school years (only 9.95 per year - a veritable steal!). Each month a treasured new edition of recipes came to my mailbox. During the ensuing month, I made many of the recipes in each Bon Appetit, and boy! did I learn a lot about cooking! Oh - and boy, did we eat some great food! For cheap!
It so spoiled us that now eating at home beats the heck out of going out most any place you can name. Seriously!
One of the recipes discovered along the way is this one.
Sour Cream Coffee Cake.
350 degree oven (177 C)
Butter a bundt pan
Mix and chop in the processor, then set aside:
2T sugar
1T cinnamon
½ c pecans or walnuts
Mix in food processor in this order:
2 sticks of butter, softened in the microwave for 20 seconds
2c sugar
Then:
2 eggs
1 c sour cream, preferably Daisy brand (no junk/preservatives)
or Lebneh if you are in the UAE
1t Baking Powder
1/8t salt
1/2t vanilla extract
And then:
2 c flour
Finally:
1/3-1/2c of chocolate chips – just barely mix in Processor using short on-off turns
Spoon into bundt pan. Spoon about half in several large spoonfuls into pan, and sprinkle about half of cinnamon-sugar mixture over the batter, then spoon the other half into the bundt pan and sprinkle the rest of the cinnamon-sugar mixture over that.
Pop into the oven for about 1 hour, or until a little bamboo skewer comes out clean. Mine often take 1 hour and 10-15 minutes additional.
You should know that this melt-in-your-mouth cake that begs for coffee alongside, has been our family’s tradition on Thanksgiving morning and Christmas morning, ever since dental school. And, you can make several up one evening, and repeat another evening, and freeze them wrapped in foil, and into a ziplock bag, and have amazing presents for colleagues and friends.
We have started making these cakes some years around Thanksgiving weekend. We'll have a freezer full of 10-12 or more ready to take out of the freezer on an evening, and the next morning put a big red bow on it to delight someone.
It’s also nice to have your Christmas breakfast ready and waiting. Take it out of the freezer on Christmas Eve, and the next morning it will be ready to serve. That is if Santa hasn’t helped himself on his way outta Dodge.
Though the warm spice and butter-sugar cake scent wafting through the house makes it surely tempting to bake and then eat warm, right out of the oven. And it is goo-ooo-ood!
If you’re going to freeze them, BE SURE to let the cake cool completely to room temperature after it comes out of the oven, before you wrap and freeze.
Be sure to let me know just how yummy you think this recipe is, AND any ideas for enjoying it! You know I love to expand my cooking and baking in every way possible.
- Published on
Today was different. Rain. Real rain. Pouring at times. Huge puddles of standing water on the road, some four or more inches deep. This was Abu Dhabi today.
We surely did not expect that we could get drenched walking from the office to the car, or that there would be flooding on roads.
It was pretty. The overcast cloudy skies, reminiscent of Kentucky winter days, opened up in the desert, first damp air and walkways, then pitter-patter drops of rain, then lots more rain.
To walk out the back door of the office to the laboratory, feel the rain on my head and hear the rain thrumming on a metal surface out there was almost dizzying. It didn’t belong here in the desert, making music with the splatters.
As we drove home later, the roofs of the cars danced with spray and I enjoyed the murmuring of the rain through the window.
But then, of course it rained and rained. There have been prayers for rain for the last month or so.
And the skies answered with a day of sweet, clean rain filling the aquifers and oases, renewing the life-roots of the plants, and washing the large dusty leaves of the plumeria to a fresh moist, dark green.
The desert was bathed in sweetness today.
Much love,
We surely did not expect that we could get drenched walking from the office to the car, or that there would be flooding on roads.
It was pretty. The overcast cloudy skies, reminiscent of Kentucky winter days, opened up in the desert, first damp air and walkways, then pitter-patter drops of rain, then lots more rain.
To walk out the back door of the office to the laboratory, feel the rain on my head and hear the rain thrumming on a metal surface out there was almost dizzying. It didn’t belong here in the desert, making music with the splatters.
As we drove home later, the roofs of the cars danced with spray and I enjoyed the murmuring of the rain through the window.
But then, of course it rained and rained. There have been prayers for rain for the last month or so.
And the skies answered with a day of sweet, clean rain filling the aquifers and oases, renewing the life-roots of the plants, and washing the large dusty leaves of the plumeria to a fresh moist, dark green.
The desert was bathed in sweetness today.
Much love,
- Published on
The microbes we need for good health develop a healthy immune system in children.
Microbes found in the soil have proven to be especially good for children's health.
The problem with antibacterial soaps and sanitizers is that they kill good bacteria necessary for health as well as killing bad bacteria.
My nursing school education is precious to me.
Quite frankly, it’s also precious to lots of parents and children who are in my day-to-day community of love.
Very often, I hear questions like,
“You’re a nurse - let me ask you…”
“Can I ask you as a nurse…?”
“As a nurse, what would you tell me about…?”
My answers and knowledge come from:
- my incredible diploma nursing school education (Memorial Baptist Hospital, Houston);
- an amazing dental school education, residency and fellowship (University of Kentucky College of Dentistry and University of Connecticut School of Dental Medicine);
- having been the oldest sister of six children;
- having raised four children of my own, and
- more than 25 years in practice of pediatric dentistry and orthodontics.
Germ-a-phobia
Interesting that “direc-ly” (as we Texans say) out of nursing training, (and having grown up in a household where cleanliness was indeed next to godliness), I had learned to be a relative germaphobe.
I understood the role of micro-organisms in many diseases, and in our operating room semester, we certainly learned how to effectively wash our hands (also known as “scrubbing”). Our nursing instructors did not subscribe to the belief in the “5-second rule,” or any other such thinking that if something touched the floor, and it were only there a few seconds, that somehow the bacterial load was not virulent.
Uh-oh - we have a problem
Having followed the literature for all these years with strong curiosity and interest in things medical. I have now tempered my thinking about germs. This change in thinking revolves around research on the immune system, AND the science showing that the chemicals that kill the “bad bugs,” also kill the “good bugs.”
About the immune system: Turns out the good bugs (the microbes we need) develop a healthy immune system in children. Failure to develop the immune system puts children at higher risk for allergies, asthma, diabetes and even obesity.
About the bugs, good and bad: The body’s microbiome is the vast array of micro-organisms in the body, which are about equal in number to the cells in the body. We cannot live without the good organisms.
There are also pathologic (disease-producing) bugs that I call the “bad” bugs. An anti-bacterial soap, for example, will kill those bad bugs. Unfortunately, it kills most of the “good” bugs as well. Without the balance of the good bugs, the bad bugs will grow and prosper and one’s risk of disease is actually greater.
Now we have antibacterial soaps, antibacterial gels and sprays, antibacterial cleaning wipes and other disinfecting cleaning products. Our children are growing up in clean, disinfected, sterile environments, protected from germs in every way possible. At the same time, rates of allergies, autoimmune problems and gut related disorders are increasing (especially in children).
Could there be a connection? The scientists answer with a resounding YES!
And we have some answers
Scientists find that widespread use of these disinfecting and antibacterial products (and the removal/avoidance of dirt) prevents proper formation of healthy gut (GI tract) bacteria.
Restoring the good bacteria could be the key to boosting immune function, reducing multiple sclerosis, Type I Diabetes, allergies and digestive problems like celiac disease, GERD, IBS. Restoring the good bugs can even reduce anxiety and improve mood.
In September, 2016, the US FDA banned anti-microbial agents in soaps. In one year, these may not be sold. As clinical research has shown many times, antibacterial soap is no more effective at cleaning your skin than plain old soap and water.
The concern about the anti-microbial agents is for the harm they may do in killing the good bugs with the bad bugs.
The antimicrobial agent Triclosan, found in soaps and other disinfecting products, is a hormone disruptor and may be affecting our endocrine systems and contributing to the occurrence of reproductive system cancers (breast, prostate, uterine, testicular, ovarian…).
Triclosan is also known to impair muscle function. Researchers have shown that the effect of this antimicrobial agent on the heart muscle acts like a potent cardiac depressant.
Antibiotic resistance is worse in the presence of these antimicrobial agents.
Kudos to the FDA! Now, our immune systems’ work to rid the body of bad bugs will be more effective and we may be much, much healthier. In the meantime, since the manufacturers have one year to stop selling these bad products, you can reduce your use of antimicrobial products, to keep your family and yourself healthier, less at risk of infections, and of heart problems and cancers!
Another important answer
We want to restore the good bugs. We are getting rid of the disinfecting products that are killing them.
Where do you find the healthy bacteria?
Probiotic supplements, like the chewable American Health Probiotic Acidophilus are a good start.
And this is probably even more surprising! It turns out there are SBO’s (soil-based organisms) that are stronger good bugs. These bugs survive best in the digestive tract and give the most benefit.
The scientists who wrote the book “Let Them Eat Dirt: Saving Your Child from an Oversanitized World" say, keeping children too clean keeps them away from many of the microbes necessary for a healthy immune system. The book's authors, Brett Finlay and Marie-Claire Arrieta, experts in micro-organisms and immunology, show evidence that allowing children to get dirty exposes them to healthy germs that are actually good for their health. “If we miss out on that exposure, the immune system is not going to mature,” Arrieta reports.
Another book for you to check out is by Mary Ruebush, a microbiology and immunology instructor, who wrote, “Why Dirt Is Good” .
She says, “What a child is doing when he puts things in his mouth, is necessary for protection, and it also plays a critical role in [developing] the immune response.”
Let ‘em play in the dirt!
Children should be allowed to get dirty when they play.
Quite frankly, it’s also precious to lots of parents and children who are in my day-to-day community of love.
Very often, I hear questions like,
“You’re a nurse - let me ask you…”
“Can I ask you as a nurse…?”
“As a nurse, what would you tell me about…?”
My answers and knowledge come from:
- my incredible diploma nursing school education (Memorial Baptist Hospital, Houston);
- an amazing dental school education, residency and fellowship (University of Kentucky College of Dentistry and University of Connecticut School of Dental Medicine);
- having been the oldest sister of six children;
- having raised four children of my own, and
- more than 25 years in practice of pediatric dentistry and orthodontics.
Germ-a-phobia
Interesting that “direc-ly” (as we Texans say) out of nursing training, (and having grown up in a household where cleanliness was indeed next to godliness), I had learned to be a relative germaphobe.
I understood the role of micro-organisms in many diseases, and in our operating room semester, we certainly learned how to effectively wash our hands (also known as “scrubbing”). Our nursing instructors did not subscribe to the belief in the “5-second rule,” or any other such thinking that if something touched the floor, and it were only there a few seconds, that somehow the bacterial load was not virulent.
Uh-oh - we have a problem
Having followed the literature for all these years with strong curiosity and interest in things medical. I have now tempered my thinking about germs. This change in thinking revolves around research on the immune system, AND the science showing that the chemicals that kill the “bad bugs,” also kill the “good bugs.”
About the immune system: Turns out the good bugs (the microbes we need) develop a healthy immune system in children. Failure to develop the immune system puts children at higher risk for allergies, asthma, diabetes and even obesity.
About the bugs, good and bad: The body’s microbiome is the vast array of micro-organisms in the body, which are about equal in number to the cells in the body. We cannot live without the good organisms.
There are also pathologic (disease-producing) bugs that I call the “bad” bugs. An anti-bacterial soap, for example, will kill those bad bugs. Unfortunately, it kills most of the “good” bugs as well. Without the balance of the good bugs, the bad bugs will grow and prosper and one’s risk of disease is actually greater.
Now we have antibacterial soaps, antibacterial gels and sprays, antibacterial cleaning wipes and other disinfecting cleaning products. Our children are growing up in clean, disinfected, sterile environments, protected from germs in every way possible. At the same time, rates of allergies, autoimmune problems and gut related disorders are increasing (especially in children).
Could there be a connection? The scientists answer with a resounding YES!
And we have some answers
Scientists find that widespread use of these disinfecting and antibacterial products (and the removal/avoidance of dirt) prevents proper formation of healthy gut (GI tract) bacteria.
Restoring the good bacteria could be the key to boosting immune function, reducing multiple sclerosis, Type I Diabetes, allergies and digestive problems like celiac disease, GERD, IBS. Restoring the good bugs can even reduce anxiety and improve mood.
In September, 2016, the US FDA banned anti-microbial agents in soaps. In one year, these may not be sold. As clinical research has shown many times, antibacterial soap is no more effective at cleaning your skin than plain old soap and water.
The concern about the anti-microbial agents is for the harm they may do in killing the good bugs with the bad bugs.
The antimicrobial agent Triclosan, found in soaps and other disinfecting products, is a hormone disruptor and may be affecting our endocrine systems and contributing to the occurrence of reproductive system cancers (breast, prostate, uterine, testicular, ovarian…).
Triclosan is also known to impair muscle function. Researchers have shown that the effect of this antimicrobial agent on the heart muscle acts like a potent cardiac depressant.
Antibiotic resistance is worse in the presence of these antimicrobial agents.
Kudos to the FDA! Now, our immune systems’ work to rid the body of bad bugs will be more effective and we may be much, much healthier. In the meantime, since the manufacturers have one year to stop selling these bad products, you can reduce your use of antimicrobial products, to keep your family and yourself healthier, less at risk of infections, and of heart problems and cancers!
Another important answer
We want to restore the good bugs. We are getting rid of the disinfecting products that are killing them.
Where do you find the healthy bacteria?
Probiotic supplements, like the chewable American Health Probiotic Acidophilus are a good start.
And this is probably even more surprising! It turns out there are SBO’s (soil-based organisms) that are stronger good bugs. These bugs survive best in the digestive tract and give the most benefit.
The scientists who wrote the book “Let Them Eat Dirt: Saving Your Child from an Oversanitized World" say, keeping children too clean keeps them away from many of the microbes necessary for a healthy immune system. The book's authors, Brett Finlay and Marie-Claire Arrieta, experts in micro-organisms and immunology, show evidence that allowing children to get dirty exposes them to healthy germs that are actually good for their health. “If we miss out on that exposure, the immune system is not going to mature,” Arrieta reports.
Another book for you to check out is by Mary Ruebush, a microbiology and immunology instructor, who wrote, “Why Dirt Is Good” .
She says, “What a child is doing when he puts things in his mouth, is necessary for protection, and it also plays a critical role in [developing] the immune response.”
Let ‘em play in the dirt!
Children should be allowed to get dirty when they play.
- Published on
As a young teenager, I decided I wanted to be a doctor. So, I volunteered as a "candystriper" at the local hospital. Here I am, standing near the middle of this photo, holding the flowers.
A great resource on how to design your perfect life is Dr. Chris Baker's book, "REAL."
Quite a lot has happened since my candystriper days. Here I'm getting ready to enjoy breakfast at Etihad Airways' beautiful lounge at Abu Dhabi International Airport (AUH).
When you were a teenager, and probably even when you were younger than that, you had conscious ideas (thoughts) of what you wanted your life to be.
I have heard my children say, “When I have a house it will be…” and, “In college, I will major in…”, and “I will travel to…”
When my five siblings and I were little, we would build “houses” with our big wooden toy blocks that my mother had cut at the lumber yard, and then sanded smooth.
Our toy block “houses” were a bit like architectural plans, with room upon room laid out on the floor. We would move “ourselves” (clothespin people) through the house, winding about from the kitchen to the many other rooms we had built.
We were designing our lives. In our thoughts and dreams, we were imagining what we wanted our lives to be.
Then, as a young teenager, I decided I would be a doctor. That decision led me to work at the local hospital where I volunteered as a Candystriper. I began to live my dream of working in a medical setting.
As time went by, I decided on nursing school. It seemed at the time to be more “do-able” than medical school.
A few years went by. As a young adult, I was still designing my life. As I practiced as a critical care RN, and with a young son, I finally planned and executed my dream of being a doctor. I decided to be a pediatric dentist.
And you know what? It took those plans to design my life of today - a joyous, grateful mom, wife, pediatric dentist and orthodontist.
As we live the life that often “seems to happen” to us, we are often unaware that we designed it. It’s easy to get stuck in the “living” of the life. Yet, in doing that, we are designing our life of our future, by our thoughts.
If your thought is, “this is my life, and I can’t change it much,” you will be right.
If your thought is, “this is my life and I will design x-y-and-z for my future", you will be right.
"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much."
~ Jim Rohn
It’s your choice. It’s your opportunity. You have today. Begin today. Decide to focus on one goal that you want in your life. Your design in your mind - your thoughts - is your beginning.
I have heard my children say, “When I have a house it will be…” and, “In college, I will major in…”, and “I will travel to…”
When my five siblings and I were little, we would build “houses” with our big wooden toy blocks that my mother had cut at the lumber yard, and then sanded smooth.
Our toy block “houses” were a bit like architectural plans, with room upon room laid out on the floor. We would move “ourselves” (clothespin people) through the house, winding about from the kitchen to the many other rooms we had built.
We were designing our lives. In our thoughts and dreams, we were imagining what we wanted our lives to be.
Then, as a young teenager, I decided I would be a doctor. That decision led me to work at the local hospital where I volunteered as a Candystriper. I began to live my dream of working in a medical setting.
As time went by, I decided on nursing school. It seemed at the time to be more “do-able” than medical school.
A few years went by. As a young adult, I was still designing my life. As I practiced as a critical care RN, and with a young son, I finally planned and executed my dream of being a doctor. I decided to be a pediatric dentist.
And you know what? It took those plans to design my life of today - a joyous, grateful mom, wife, pediatric dentist and orthodontist.
As we live the life that often “seems to happen” to us, we are often unaware that we designed it. It’s easy to get stuck in the “living” of the life. Yet, in doing that, we are designing our life of our future, by our thoughts.
If your thought is, “this is my life, and I can’t change it much,” you will be right.
If your thought is, “this is my life and I will design x-y-and-z for my future", you will be right.
"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much."
~ Jim Rohn
It’s your choice. It’s your opportunity. You have today. Begin today. Decide to focus on one goal that you want in your life. Your design in your mind - your thoughts - is your beginning.
