- Published on
The challenges of orthodontic case finishing.
Even identical twins can have very different orthodontic needs. (Photo Raul Carabeo / Wikimedia Commons)
Dr Chris next teaches at the RMO Diagnostics & Early Treatment Seminar in Denver, August 18-19. For more information, call (303) 592-8268.
Dr Edward H Angle (1855-1930) is considered to be the father of American orthodontics. (Wikimedia Commons image)
Dr Chris Baker's book, "Your Child's Smile", is the premiere guide for parents who want to learn more about their children's oral health.
Dr Chris is very happy to lead a very happy team at the Advanced American Dental Center in Abu Dhabi, UAE.
Orthodontic treatment challenges the best of us. What seems easy to many patients, is often a tough job for the orthodontists!
Those of us who provide orthodontic treatment develop a keen awareness of the difficulties in our work with the constantly-changing human body. And, it’s over a relatively long period of time to accomplish orthodontic results.
Can you imagine? — We have learned ways to attach braces to teeth, move the teeth through bone, and remove the braces without harming the teeth? That in itself is almost crazy.
Even in this day and age of high tech, lasers, 3D printing and other miraculous medical treatments, it is still amazing that we can move teeth through bone into nicer positions. And more amazing, is that Dr. Edward Angle was doing it in 1900. (Dr. Angle was the inventor of modern orthodontics.)
It is of critical importance that in our performing the miraculous feat of moving teeth through hard bone, we take the health and well-being of the whole patient into consideration.
Of course, you say.
BUT that can be very difficult when coupled with the fact that each human body reacts differently to everything. Even identical twins’ teeth and treatment results are different.
Why is that a problem?
Because the variation in the human body’s reactions means that you can provide seemingly the exact same orthodontic treatment sequence, wires, brackets, and plan, and the results you see will vary so widely that it scares the bejiminy out of you!
Your patient treatment that you planned to make everything better for your patient puts you in a fret and worry fest. You start out to help and now you ask, “Why, oh why are the teeth doing THAT? And what should I do about it now?”
Or, how did I get into this pickle and how do I get out of it?
The inevitable, every-patient variations - the crazy-making happenings that scare you or prolong the patient’s treatment and take much more time than your patient wants, is, in the orthodontics world, called “finishing” the treatment.
“Finishing” starts before you bond the braces on. You work to identify the areas of likely challenge, the “outliers” in the patient’s presentation.
Then you work and practice to learn the many strategies to help address and salvage the orthodontic treatment so the problems don’t prolong treatment time and make patients, parents and you frustrated and unhappy.
In orthodontic treatment we must learn a lot of strategies, so we have a lot of tools in our toolbox, since EACH patient’s teeth will react differently.
We must choose the appropriate tools, or at least tools that seem as if they will be helpful, employ them and see what happens. Sometimes the tools we employ are not helpful. It depends on that human body’s physiology.
Like everything in life, finishing takes learning, practice, and more practice. As they say, “Why do you think they call it dental practice?”
An overview of finishing of orthodontic treatment entails a few areas:
First, learn to identify when and where the treatment has stopped progressing in the best ways and directions. Even that can be tough.
Secondly, learn and understand what you can do and what you cannot do. There are late growth patterns that befuddle you. We must learn what strategies may help, which strategies may intercept or guide growth even a little bit, and which strategies may worsen the situation.
We must learn what tooth eruption problems will likely not respond to efforts to get the teeth to erupt, and when we must counsel the parents and patient about implant replacement.
We must understand how difficult asymmetric treatment can be, and what may help. What to do with the peg lateral you want to maintain as a natural “implant,” and what to do with the missing lateral space?
Third, we gain capability in treatment strategies AND communication strategies to aide in addressing problems encountered mid to late treatment, such as inadequate molar buccal overjet, open bites, inadequate elastic wear, space that doesn’t close, crown and root torque problems, and marginal ridge height discrepancies.
Most of all, in order to prevent being in a pickle, early identification before you start treatment and consideration of the options of alternative treatment plans that may be better, gives us more awareness.
We can help the patient and parents understand realistic expectations concerning treatment time, pitfalls and possible complications.
Not getting into the “pickle” and also knowing what to do when it is unavoidable, is a powerful, valuable body of knowledge called “finishing.”
Learning more and more is the key!
Those of us who provide orthodontic treatment develop a keen awareness of the difficulties in our work with the constantly-changing human body. And, it’s over a relatively long period of time to accomplish orthodontic results.
Can you imagine? — We have learned ways to attach braces to teeth, move the teeth through bone, and remove the braces without harming the teeth? That in itself is almost crazy.
Even in this day and age of high tech, lasers, 3D printing and other miraculous medical treatments, it is still amazing that we can move teeth through bone into nicer positions. And more amazing, is that Dr. Edward Angle was doing it in 1900. (Dr. Angle was the inventor of modern orthodontics.)
It is of critical importance that in our performing the miraculous feat of moving teeth through hard bone, we take the health and well-being of the whole patient into consideration.
Of course, you say.
BUT that can be very difficult when coupled with the fact that each human body reacts differently to everything. Even identical twins’ teeth and treatment results are different.
Why is that a problem?
Because the variation in the human body’s reactions means that you can provide seemingly the exact same orthodontic treatment sequence, wires, brackets, and plan, and the results you see will vary so widely that it scares the bejiminy out of you!
Your patient treatment that you planned to make everything better for your patient puts you in a fret and worry fest. You start out to help and now you ask, “Why, oh why are the teeth doing THAT? And what should I do about it now?”
Or, how did I get into this pickle and how do I get out of it?
The inevitable, every-patient variations - the crazy-making happenings that scare you or prolong the patient’s treatment and take much more time than your patient wants, is, in the orthodontics world, called “finishing” the treatment.
“Finishing” starts before you bond the braces on. You work to identify the areas of likely challenge, the “outliers” in the patient’s presentation.
Then you work and practice to learn the many strategies to help address and salvage the orthodontic treatment so the problems don’t prolong treatment time and make patients, parents and you frustrated and unhappy.
In orthodontic treatment we must learn a lot of strategies, so we have a lot of tools in our toolbox, since EACH patient’s teeth will react differently.
We must choose the appropriate tools, or at least tools that seem as if they will be helpful, employ them and see what happens. Sometimes the tools we employ are not helpful. It depends on that human body’s physiology.
Like everything in life, finishing takes learning, practice, and more practice. As they say, “Why do you think they call it dental practice?”
An overview of finishing of orthodontic treatment entails a few areas:
First, learn to identify when and where the treatment has stopped progressing in the best ways and directions. Even that can be tough.
Secondly, learn and understand what you can do and what you cannot do. There are late growth patterns that befuddle you. We must learn what strategies may help, which strategies may intercept or guide growth even a little bit, and which strategies may worsen the situation.
We must learn what tooth eruption problems will likely not respond to efforts to get the teeth to erupt, and when we must counsel the parents and patient about implant replacement.
We must understand how difficult asymmetric treatment can be, and what may help. What to do with the peg lateral you want to maintain as a natural “implant,” and what to do with the missing lateral space?
Third, we gain capability in treatment strategies AND communication strategies to aide in addressing problems encountered mid to late treatment, such as inadequate molar buccal overjet, open bites, inadequate elastic wear, space that doesn’t close, crown and root torque problems, and marginal ridge height discrepancies.
Most of all, in order to prevent being in a pickle, early identification before you start treatment and consideration of the options of alternative treatment plans that may be better, gives us more awareness.
We can help the patient and parents understand realistic expectations concerning treatment time, pitfalls and possible complications.
Not getting into the “pickle” and also knowing what to do when it is unavoidable, is a powerful, valuable body of knowledge called “finishing.”
Learning more and more is the key!
- Published on
You must set goals for yourself. You cannot "hit a target" if you don't know where it is.
Émile Coué de la Châtaigneraie (1857 – 1926) was a French psychologist and pharmacist who introduced a method of psychotherapy and self-improvement based on optimism. Coué's teachings have influenced many writers, such as Norman Vincent Peale and Robert Schuller.
When you think about it, you have been doing the best you can. Everyone always does.
YET — what would you need to change to do differently — and better?
This week, Claude and I thought out the basic fundamentals of doing “better” than what has been our “best,” up to now.
What would we need to change to do differently?
Here they are:
ONE: You must set goals for yourself. You cannot “hit a target” if you don’t know where it is.
TWO: Give yourself time. You can’t change your result immediately, but you can change your direction immediately. You can begin moving in the direction of your dream - right now!
Remember that it is the tiny little productive actions, repeated consistently over time — that add up tot he difference between failure to reach your goal, and success.
The challenges that seem overwhelming today are actually opportunities.
Steve Harvey says, “Your setback is just a set-up for a comeback.”
Change yourself by changing your philosophy - your beliefs - through your thoughts.
Decide to believe you CAN do it.
Think, “Difficult takes a little time; Impossible takes just a little longer.”
Think, ”There is a way to do it.”
Think, “Every day, in every way, I’m doing better and better. Every day, in every way, I’m happier and happier. Every day, in every way, I’m stronger and stronger.” ~ It was Emile Coue de la Chataigneraie (that's his photo, on the left), who said it first in French, “Tous les jours à tous points de vue je vais de mieux en mieux.”
Every time you have a disappointment, think, “Disappointment has reminded me. I have the opportunity to change my beliefs. I can see this as opportunity to move toward my dream.”
As you change, everything around you will change too.
Truly.
Love,
YET — what would you need to change to do differently — and better?
This week, Claude and I thought out the basic fundamentals of doing “better” than what has been our “best,” up to now.
What would we need to change to do differently?
Here they are:
ONE: You must set goals for yourself. You cannot “hit a target” if you don’t know where it is.
TWO: Give yourself time. You can’t change your result immediately, but you can change your direction immediately. You can begin moving in the direction of your dream - right now!
Remember that it is the tiny little productive actions, repeated consistently over time — that add up tot he difference between failure to reach your goal, and success.
The challenges that seem overwhelming today are actually opportunities.
Steve Harvey says, “Your setback is just a set-up for a comeback.”
Change yourself by changing your philosophy - your beliefs - through your thoughts.
Decide to believe you CAN do it.
Think, “Difficult takes a little time; Impossible takes just a little longer.”
Think, ”There is a way to do it.”
Think, “Every day, in every way, I’m doing better and better. Every day, in every way, I’m happier and happier. Every day, in every way, I’m stronger and stronger.” ~ It was Emile Coue de la Chataigneraie (that's his photo, on the left), who said it first in French, “Tous les jours à tous points de vue je vais de mieux en mieux.”
Every time you have a disappointment, think, “Disappointment has reminded me. I have the opportunity to change my beliefs. I can see this as opportunity to move toward my dream.”
As you change, everything around you will change too.
Truly.
Love,
- Published on
Kindness, commitment, dedication and integrity are key factors in a winning team. Dr Chris Baker and her husband Claude (back row) love working at the American Dental Center in Abu Dhabi, UAE.
Build a winning life with your team by using the strategies Dr Chris shares in her book, REAL.
The Pediatric and Orthodontic Department of the American Dental Center in Abu Dhabi.
At the American Dental Center in Abu Dhabi, UAE, I am so very fortunate to work with some amazing team members.
These ladies (and a gentleman or two) are the kind of people who make the world better just because they are in it.
These doctors and staff are kind, committed, dedicated, and have integrity. As most folks, each has a story of major challenges and the courageous ways they handled or are handling those challenges.
To start with, they have each left their home country after dental school or training, and come alone to the UAE to work. That takes some bravery!
Each morning, as we close our half hour report with “words for the day,” these ladies bring amazing words and energy to all of us.
They give me strength and make me better! How it could be that God has put me in the midst of this powerful love, I do not know. But there I am, smack dab in the middle of it!
Each and every one in this team, gives the patients love and exquisite orthodontic care, AND a smile. A smile for every single patient and parent. And you know what? We get it back - compounded interest. More back than we “put in.”
The wisdom this team lives carries us all in joy:
Play and laughter give us strength and heal our souls.
You don’t have tomorrow yet, and yesterday is gone. Make everything of this moment!
Miracles are ours so we can celebrate life. My smile and joyful energy flows through me to others and makes them happy.
And that makes me happy!
Hug your team this week. Isn’t life precious?
Love,
These ladies (and a gentleman or two) are the kind of people who make the world better just because they are in it.
These doctors and staff are kind, committed, dedicated, and have integrity. As most folks, each has a story of major challenges and the courageous ways they handled or are handling those challenges.
To start with, they have each left their home country after dental school or training, and come alone to the UAE to work. That takes some bravery!
Each morning, as we close our half hour report with “words for the day,” these ladies bring amazing words and energy to all of us.
They give me strength and make me better! How it could be that God has put me in the midst of this powerful love, I do not know. But there I am, smack dab in the middle of it!
Each and every one in this team, gives the patients love and exquisite orthodontic care, AND a smile. A smile for every single patient and parent. And you know what? We get it back - compounded interest. More back than we “put in.”
The wisdom this team lives carries us all in joy:
Play and laughter give us strength and heal our souls.
You don’t have tomorrow yet, and yesterday is gone. Make everything of this moment!
Miracles are ours so we can celebrate life. My smile and joyful energy flows through me to others and makes them happy.
And that makes me happy!
Hug your team this week. Isn’t life precious?
Love,
- Published on
About 12 years ago, Dr Chris Baker and her husband were stranded in Seattle. With a view of Mt. Ranier from their hotel room, they decided to use the day to write down their future goals. The results would change their lives. (Photo by Dave Menke. Wikimedia Commons image)
One of America's greatest business philosophers was Jim Rohn. His "7 Strategies for Wealth & Happiness" gives excellent goal-setting guidance.
A change in flight scheduling caused Dr Chris and her husband Claude to be "stranded in Seattle" for an extra day after a CE course. The extra day spent in that city would change their lives.
One morning about 12 years ago, Claude and I found ourselves in a small hotel, our window overlooking Mt. Rainier in Seattle.
We had missed a flight after a CE course, and while we needed to get home to patients and family, there was no way to do that. The Universe had other plans.
There we were with a gorgeous view of the snow-capped mountain, a couple of juicy delicious peaches and some cheese we had bought at Pike Place Market, sitting at our little desk-repurposed table.
Many mentors and leaders in personal development talk about writing your goals down. They say it's an important exercise.
So, we wrote out our goals for the immediate future, and for one year, five years, 10 years and 20 years into the future. We wrote goals in categories; health, our relationship, each child, personal achievements, career and business, wealth, playtime, hobbies, adventure and travel, contribution and spirituality. Each one was stated as our desired goal, “or better," because the Universe has a way of making it better.
Was it our view? The breezy perfect air on our walks about the hotel? The interaction together? The goals themselves?
Or was it the mystical energy we garnered in the experience and actions of all of that? No matter. We found ourselves more than excited, full of energy and expectation, and EVER SO GRATEFUL for the extra day we were “forced” to spend in Seattle. It is the stuff of all our dreams.
Then we wrote actions, daily disciplines toward each and every goal to get us going.
You know what? Those goals have almost all been met. They have come to pass or surpass! And we write new goals VERY frequently. And begin actions toward them.
Writing goals down does the following things:
1. You define your goals. You know your target. (Can’t hit a target if you have no idea where it is.) What would your goal be if you KNEW you could not fail?
2. You get excited about your goals. The feeling is amazing!
3. Your goals become approachable — and reachable.
Approachable means you start to crystallize what steps you can take to move toward the goals. You now have defined not only the end-point goal, but the steps you can begin to take.
Don’t worry and fret over the actions. Just begin. You can do course correction. It’s like a GPS “recalculating”.
This week - perhaps today - you can write ‘em down! Write rapidly. Again, don’t fret - just write. Keep it simple - no excess words - just the endpoint: “dream house. pool. Virginia.” Be a kid - no limits! Make it fun.
You’re on your way.
Love,
We had missed a flight after a CE course, and while we needed to get home to patients and family, there was no way to do that. The Universe had other plans.
There we were with a gorgeous view of the snow-capped mountain, a couple of juicy delicious peaches and some cheese we had bought at Pike Place Market, sitting at our little desk-repurposed table.
Many mentors and leaders in personal development talk about writing your goals down. They say it's an important exercise.
So, we wrote out our goals for the immediate future, and for one year, five years, 10 years and 20 years into the future. We wrote goals in categories; health, our relationship, each child, personal achievements, career and business, wealth, playtime, hobbies, adventure and travel, contribution and spirituality. Each one was stated as our desired goal, “or better," because the Universe has a way of making it better.
Was it our view? The breezy perfect air on our walks about the hotel? The interaction together? The goals themselves?
Or was it the mystical energy we garnered in the experience and actions of all of that? No matter. We found ourselves more than excited, full of energy and expectation, and EVER SO GRATEFUL for the extra day we were “forced” to spend in Seattle. It is the stuff of all our dreams.
Then we wrote actions, daily disciplines toward each and every goal to get us going.
You know what? Those goals have almost all been met. They have come to pass or surpass! And we write new goals VERY frequently. And begin actions toward them.
Writing goals down does the following things:
1. You define your goals. You know your target. (Can’t hit a target if you have no idea where it is.) What would your goal be if you KNEW you could not fail?
2. You get excited about your goals. The feeling is amazing!
3. Your goals become approachable — and reachable.
Approachable means you start to crystallize what steps you can take to move toward the goals. You now have defined not only the end-point goal, but the steps you can begin to take.
Don’t worry and fret over the actions. Just begin. You can do course correction. It’s like a GPS “recalculating”.
This week - perhaps today - you can write ‘em down! Write rapidly. Again, don’t fret - just write. Keep it simple - no excess words - just the endpoint: “dream house. pool. Virginia.” Be a kid - no limits! Make it fun.
You’re on your way.
Love,
- Published on
It is the tiny daily decisions that you make that create your life.
According to Jim Rohn, "Your philosophy determines whether you will go for the disciplines or continue the errors."
It is the tiny daily decisions that you make that create your life.
“Do I eat this or do I eat that? Do I read and study and grow? Do I go for a walk, or sit and watch TV? Do I invest some money every pay? Do I push myself? Do I love and give compassion and love to everyone I meet? Am I diligent, or do I focus on my fatigue?”
Each decision guides your path - a path of happiness and success or one taking you the other way.
It has been said that only five percent of folks operate on the level of diligence and disciplines, while the other 95 percent use poorer and broken approaches.
The best decisions are easy to do — and easy not to do. One poorer decision may not make a difference today, but over time…. you get the idea.
Today, you can decide what you will eat, what you will do, how you will use money, and how you will approach the people you encounter. You can make each tiny decision and define the trajectory of your life.
Course correction is possible, and necessary - the space shuttle is constantly correcting its course.
“Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort.” ~ Paul J. Meyer
Go for the joy! Go for the gusto! Go for it!
“Your philosophy determines whether you will go for the disciplines or continue the errors.”
~ Jim Rohn
“100 percent commitment is easier than 98 percent commitment.” When you justify incongruent behaviors once, you open the door to a lifetime of justifications.”
~ Dr. Clayton Christensen
It’s a new day! It’s your day! Make it a great one full of great tiny decisions. And then just see where you go!
Here’s to your success!
Love,
“Do I eat this or do I eat that? Do I read and study and grow? Do I go for a walk, or sit and watch TV? Do I invest some money every pay? Do I push myself? Do I love and give compassion and love to everyone I meet? Am I diligent, or do I focus on my fatigue?”
Each decision guides your path - a path of happiness and success or one taking you the other way.
It has been said that only five percent of folks operate on the level of diligence and disciplines, while the other 95 percent use poorer and broken approaches.
The best decisions are easy to do — and easy not to do. One poorer decision may not make a difference today, but over time…. you get the idea.
Today, you can decide what you will eat, what you will do, how you will use money, and how you will approach the people you encounter. You can make each tiny decision and define the trajectory of your life.
Course correction is possible, and necessary - the space shuttle is constantly correcting its course.
“Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort.” ~ Paul J. Meyer
Go for the joy! Go for the gusto! Go for it!
“Your philosophy determines whether you will go for the disciplines or continue the errors.”
~ Jim Rohn
“100 percent commitment is easier than 98 percent commitment.” When you justify incongruent behaviors once, you open the door to a lifetime of justifications.”
~ Dr. Clayton Christensen
It’s a new day! It’s your day! Make it a great one full of great tiny decisions. And then just see where you go!
Here’s to your success!
Love,
- Published on
Holding your child accountable gives them strength and capability to live well in the world.
Psychologist Dr John Rosemond's book, New Parent Power!, is an excellent guide for parents wanting to raise responsible children.
The parents are in charge of setting the boundaries for their child's life.
Dr Chris Baker's book, REAL, is an excellent guide for living a health and productive life, including wise advice for parenting.
Self-discipline, respectfulness and responsibility help lead a child to live a productive life of accomplishment
Holding your child accountable (responsible) gives them strength and capability to live well in the world. BUT - IT’S HARDER TO TEACH THEM RESPONSIBILITY, than to do things yourself. Yet, it is worth it!! Here are some important ways to raise a responsible young adult, beginning in toddler-hood.
ONE: It’s easier to pick up after your children than to have them do it. Resist doing that.
Teach them that after playtime is clean up time. Teach them that after meals is clean up time and they are responsible until it’s complete.
No more dishes put into the sink for you to clean. No more leaving the kitchen before all clean up is finished. A toddler can happily sit on the counter after she finishes what she can do, as you finish up what you need to do. You are teaching her what is entailed in the after-meal time, and she will want to help more and more. That’s what toddlers do! Take advantage.
Teach your children now, before they expect NOT to participate in clean-up.
TWO: Never allow your children to speak disrespectfully to you.
Your child needs the security of your being in charge. As he/she learns to be respectful to you, his future is brighter - better jobs, better relationships, better life. It’s hard to imagine that precious baby becoming a master manipulator, but indeed, they quickly learn what makes you give in.
“Mommy, I hate you!”
Whoa - those words lay you back! You are stymied, paralyzed.
'If my child hates me, then I am really worthless, right?' WRONG!
If your child learns those words work to get him what he wants, then we are harming his character. Words that sink your heart are just words. They are your child’s attempt to get his/her way. Truly!
THREE: You are in charge of setting the boundaries for your child’s life.
You decide the boundaries of what they wear, what they do, what music they listen to, what and how much screen time they get, if any. (The studies are coming out faster and faster showing how damaging screens are for children and teenagers' brain development and ability to cope with life and future happiness.)
It’s right to say, “No, you may not have that child over (or spend time with) - we don’t like those people,” and, “No, we will not spend money on that.”
This is how character is developed. This is how a child learns what is right. These child-raising boundaries give your child the best chance possible.
FOUR: Teach them dropping out is not an option.
If a child wants to “quit” his karate lessons, piano lessons, soccer team, and so on, find out why. Most likely they just don’t “feel like” putting forth the effort.
It is a valuable life lesson to “never give up.” Plus, these activities have been shown in studies to help them do better academically. Unless your child is burdened with TOO MANY ACTIVITIES, keep the activity up! Keep taking them to the activity! You are forming character, intelligence and coping!
FIVE: A child being rude or behaving badly is a child behaving as a spoiled brat.
Do not allow a child to practice spoiled-brat behavior. The younger your child is, the easier it is to teach polite and gracious behavior. If you say, “thank you,” your child will follow suit. If your child has just demanded something in a rude way, you can have them repeat their “request” in a polite way.
For example, “Give me candy!” — “May I please have some candy?” Be sure they say the whole sentence. Training them to add “Please” to their demand is not teaching graciousness. Training them to say a polite question is teaching the right way. AND, YOU MAY STILL SAY “NO” to their question.
Teaching graciousness is one boundary, and what they may have is another boundary. You get two for the price of one here!
You may enjoy John Rosemond’s work on these topics. As a child psychologist, he’s written and spoken about raising happy and responsible children for decades. HIs books are supportive, full of sanity and wonderful.
Always follow through.
When you tell your child that she must stop screaming, or go to his room, follow through. Better, give her the choice,”You may stop screaming or you may go to your room. Which do you choose?”
If she says, “I don’t choose either one,” you may say, “That’s fine. Then I choose for you. And take her to her room (a room without electronic screens, wifi access, etc, but with books and paper and pencil or crayons).
She needs to know you mean it.
Pretty soon your children will be doing better. Keep going!
Pretty soon they will be coping, and then you’ll notice they actually expect you to say, “No.” They’ll stop asking as often, and they’ll be more pleasant to be around. Your friends will notice what nice children you have. Life gets easier. And better. Your children will have a brighter future.
Congratulations to you! You are a role model of note. You will raise healthier children. You are loving in the greatest ways!
ONE: It’s easier to pick up after your children than to have them do it. Resist doing that.
Teach them that after playtime is clean up time. Teach them that after meals is clean up time and they are responsible until it’s complete.
No more dishes put into the sink for you to clean. No more leaving the kitchen before all clean up is finished. A toddler can happily sit on the counter after she finishes what she can do, as you finish up what you need to do. You are teaching her what is entailed in the after-meal time, and she will want to help more and more. That’s what toddlers do! Take advantage.
Teach your children now, before they expect NOT to participate in clean-up.
TWO: Never allow your children to speak disrespectfully to you.
Your child needs the security of your being in charge. As he/she learns to be respectful to you, his future is brighter - better jobs, better relationships, better life. It’s hard to imagine that precious baby becoming a master manipulator, but indeed, they quickly learn what makes you give in.
“Mommy, I hate you!”
Whoa - those words lay you back! You are stymied, paralyzed.
'If my child hates me, then I am really worthless, right?' WRONG!
If your child learns those words work to get him what he wants, then we are harming his character. Words that sink your heart are just words. They are your child’s attempt to get his/her way. Truly!
THREE: You are in charge of setting the boundaries for your child’s life.
You decide the boundaries of what they wear, what they do, what music they listen to, what and how much screen time they get, if any. (The studies are coming out faster and faster showing how damaging screens are for children and teenagers' brain development and ability to cope with life and future happiness.)
It’s right to say, “No, you may not have that child over (or spend time with) - we don’t like those people,” and, “No, we will not spend money on that.”
This is how character is developed. This is how a child learns what is right. These child-raising boundaries give your child the best chance possible.
FOUR: Teach them dropping out is not an option.
If a child wants to “quit” his karate lessons, piano lessons, soccer team, and so on, find out why. Most likely they just don’t “feel like” putting forth the effort.
It is a valuable life lesson to “never give up.” Plus, these activities have been shown in studies to help them do better academically. Unless your child is burdened with TOO MANY ACTIVITIES, keep the activity up! Keep taking them to the activity! You are forming character, intelligence and coping!
FIVE: A child being rude or behaving badly is a child behaving as a spoiled brat.
Do not allow a child to practice spoiled-brat behavior. The younger your child is, the easier it is to teach polite and gracious behavior. If you say, “thank you,” your child will follow suit. If your child has just demanded something in a rude way, you can have them repeat their “request” in a polite way.
For example, “Give me candy!” — “May I please have some candy?” Be sure they say the whole sentence. Training them to add “Please” to their demand is not teaching graciousness. Training them to say a polite question is teaching the right way. AND, YOU MAY STILL SAY “NO” to their question.
Teaching graciousness is one boundary, and what they may have is another boundary. You get two for the price of one here!
You may enjoy John Rosemond’s work on these topics. As a child psychologist, he’s written and spoken about raising happy and responsible children for decades. HIs books are supportive, full of sanity and wonderful.
Always follow through.
When you tell your child that she must stop screaming, or go to his room, follow through. Better, give her the choice,”You may stop screaming or you may go to your room. Which do you choose?”
If she says, “I don’t choose either one,” you may say, “That’s fine. Then I choose for you. And take her to her room (a room without electronic screens, wifi access, etc, but with books and paper and pencil or crayons).
She needs to know you mean it.
Pretty soon your children will be doing better. Keep going!
Pretty soon they will be coping, and then you’ll notice they actually expect you to say, “No.” They’ll stop asking as often, and they’ll be more pleasant to be around. Your friends will notice what nice children you have. Life gets easier. And better. Your children will have a brighter future.
Congratulations to you! You are a role model of note. You will raise healthier children. You are loving in the greatest ways!
- Published on
Future generations of your family will bloom and prosper if you teach your child self-discipline and respect.
Dr John Rosemond's excellent book, "New Parent Power!" is a useful guide for raising responsible children.
A child's character and personality are like gardens. There is regular "weeding" needing to be done to ensure responsibility and character. This is what successful parenting accomplishes.
The Four Steps to Raising a Brat
1. Work hard to make sure your child likes you all the time.
2. Give them everything they want.
3. Baby them - give in when they whine.
4. Don’t ever hold them accountable. No consequences - ever.
I remember holding my newborn son upon arrival home from the hospital, and as I caressed his tiny perfect feet, I thought, “I don’t want him ever to be hurt. Ever.” My instinct to protect this precious baby I had birthed just a couple of days before, was so strong I knew I’d give my life for him.
It is a confusing thing to love a child with that intensity, and to need to learn quickly (they grow so quickly) how to temper that instinct to give them everything they want.
Even babies can be very convincing. Their instincts to get everything they want are as strong as our instinct to give it to them.
What a conundrum for the parent! And, surely, as Jennie Scott says, “We’re killing our kids and calling it love.”
Look at these definitions:
spoil / spoil/
Think about it - the selling of t-shirts that say, “I’m a spoiled brat - and proud of it!”
And, “I’m the one in charge here.” These shirts on children reinforce that a child who is being spoiled (harmed) is somehow to be proud of it!
Let’s get back to basics here:
How are we spoiling our children? How are we missing the boat in raising them?
Here are the major ways. I'll repeat myself, here. Society teaches you to:
1. Work hard to make sure your child likes you all the time.
2. Give them everything they want.
3. Baby them - give in when they whine.
4. Don’t ever hold them accountable. No consequences - ever.
Diana, a dear friend and fantastic mom of eight children (three biologic and five adopted), once told me, “Our job as parents is to raise a child up to be a great parent.”
Wow! That puts it in perspective.
We are our children’s hope for the future. We are the world’s hope for the future.
Your child will NOT like you all the time.
- If you don’t give them everything they want, they will NOT like you all the time.
- And if you DO give them “everything they want,” they will NOT like you all the time!
That is because the more you give, the more they want. Not only can you not keep up and cannot give them everything they want, the child comes to believe the world works like that. The parent is training the child to be demanding, expectant, entitled, whiny, and eventually possibly violently demanding.
A temper tantrum in a two-year-old is tiresome and no fun. When it occurs at 13, it can be downright frightening. The only way to reduce that possibility is to stand your ground when they are two (and always). It is right to deny them EVERYTHING they are demanding in the two-year-old tantrum, so they can learn that doesn’t work.
It’s hard for you to realize that your child won’t understand why you stood your ground and why they were raised differently than their friends, until they are MUCH older. It may not be until they have their own children that they understand. That time seems very far off.
It’s hard for you to deal with your child being upset now. But, giving in to anything and everything they want is hurting their character. It will hurt the character of your future grandchildren (because your grandchildren’s parents will not have had a role model to follow in raising your grandchildren.) It’s the opposite of loving your children.
Giving in “eventually” when they whine and carry on teaches children that you have to whine and carry on to get what you want. It teaches them that “No” means “Whine and carry on, and wait a few minutes, to get what you want.” It teaches your children that they can have what they want if they act badly.
This will destroy their lives, because the world doesn’t work that way. Know what would happen if you whine and carry on when your boss says, “No”? At best you wouldn’t get what you want. At worst - ??
Jennie Scott, in her writing about raising children, points out that “The measuring stick of successful parenting is definitely not happy children. Well-adjusted, responsible, kind and selfless children? Absolutely. Happy and spoiled? No way. “
Being a parent is hard work. It’s harder to be a good parent. It’s harder to get up off the couch and pick up your child who is not picking his toys up, than to sit on the couch and “count to three.” But counting to three is spoiling the child. It’s harder to insist the child takes his dish to the dishwasher than to carry it with yours. It’s harder to be a great parent!
I remember my mother, Joy, teaching us how to be great parents. Joy would have been proud of me, after I had instructed my three-year-old granddaughter to pick up her blocks. When she looked at me with a bit of a sideways smile and did NOT begin to pick up anything, I got up and went to her, took her little hand in mine, and “picked up” a block with my hand and her hand, then another and another.
She grinned, enjoyed it, then said, “I can do it!” Then she picked up the rest of the blocks.
Ka-ching! Investment (leaving my comfortable chair, to teach her) paid off immediately!
Yes, it’s harder to be a great parent!
But you can do it. Your love is strong enough to raise a child who is well-adjusted, responsible, kind and selfless. Your love is strong enough to set boundaries that give your child security and teach how to live contentedly in a world of many boundaries.
Your love is strong enough to realize what is going on, and how to strengthen your child’s character, despite media and advertisers’ working to convince you to spend all your money on your child, to give them junk food, to support the gaming industry, all at your child’s expense, (as well as at YOUR EXPENSE).
Love them in the best ways! Your “no’s” to the children are hardest for YOU. They will cope. And when you see them becoming less spoiled, less insistent, less demanding, you will be happy to know you are succeeding in raising a child of character. And in so doing, you will be loving yourself.
Next blog: So what are some steps to raising a great parent of the future?
1. Work hard to make sure your child likes you all the time.
2. Give them everything they want.
3. Baby them - give in when they whine.
4. Don’t ever hold them accountable. No consequences - ever.
I remember holding my newborn son upon arrival home from the hospital, and as I caressed his tiny perfect feet, I thought, “I don’t want him ever to be hurt. Ever.” My instinct to protect this precious baby I had birthed just a couple of days before, was so strong I knew I’d give my life for him.
It is a confusing thing to love a child with that intensity, and to need to learn quickly (they grow so quickly) how to temper that instinct to give them everything they want.
Even babies can be very convincing. Their instincts to get everything they want are as strong as our instinct to give it to them.
What a conundrum for the parent! And, surely, as Jennie Scott says, “We’re killing our kids and calling it love.”
Look at these definitions:
spoil / spoil/
- v. (past tense spoiled or Brit. spoilt) 1. to diminish or destroy the value or quality of; 2. to destroy or reduce the pleasure, interest, or beauty of; 3. to harm the character of a child by being too lenient or indulgent
- n. a child, especially an annoying, impolite or spoiled child
- Children and teens who are perceived as spoiled may be described as "overindulged", "grandiose", "narcissistic" or “egocentric-regressed”.
Think about it - the selling of t-shirts that say, “I’m a spoiled brat - and proud of it!”
And, “I’m the one in charge here.” These shirts on children reinforce that a child who is being spoiled (harmed) is somehow to be proud of it!
Let’s get back to basics here:
How are we spoiling our children? How are we missing the boat in raising them?
Here are the major ways. I'll repeat myself, here. Society teaches you to:
1. Work hard to make sure your child likes you all the time.
2. Give them everything they want.
3. Baby them - give in when they whine.
4. Don’t ever hold them accountable. No consequences - ever.
Diana, a dear friend and fantastic mom of eight children (three biologic and five adopted), once told me, “Our job as parents is to raise a child up to be a great parent.”
Wow! That puts it in perspective.
We are our children’s hope for the future. We are the world’s hope for the future.
Your child will NOT like you all the time.
- If you don’t give them everything they want, they will NOT like you all the time.
- And if you DO give them “everything they want,” they will NOT like you all the time!
That is because the more you give, the more they want. Not only can you not keep up and cannot give them everything they want, the child comes to believe the world works like that. The parent is training the child to be demanding, expectant, entitled, whiny, and eventually possibly violently demanding.
A temper tantrum in a two-year-old is tiresome and no fun. When it occurs at 13, it can be downright frightening. The only way to reduce that possibility is to stand your ground when they are two (and always). It is right to deny them EVERYTHING they are demanding in the two-year-old tantrum, so they can learn that doesn’t work.
It’s hard for you to realize that your child won’t understand why you stood your ground and why they were raised differently than their friends, until they are MUCH older. It may not be until they have their own children that they understand. That time seems very far off.
It’s hard for you to deal with your child being upset now. But, giving in to anything and everything they want is hurting their character. It will hurt the character of your future grandchildren (because your grandchildren’s parents will not have had a role model to follow in raising your grandchildren.) It’s the opposite of loving your children.
Giving in “eventually” when they whine and carry on teaches children that you have to whine and carry on to get what you want. It teaches them that “No” means “Whine and carry on, and wait a few minutes, to get what you want.” It teaches your children that they can have what they want if they act badly.
This will destroy their lives, because the world doesn’t work that way. Know what would happen if you whine and carry on when your boss says, “No”? At best you wouldn’t get what you want. At worst - ??
Jennie Scott, in her writing about raising children, points out that “The measuring stick of successful parenting is definitely not happy children. Well-adjusted, responsible, kind and selfless children? Absolutely. Happy and spoiled? No way. “
Being a parent is hard work. It’s harder to be a good parent. It’s harder to get up off the couch and pick up your child who is not picking his toys up, than to sit on the couch and “count to three.” But counting to three is spoiling the child. It’s harder to insist the child takes his dish to the dishwasher than to carry it with yours. It’s harder to be a great parent!
I remember my mother, Joy, teaching us how to be great parents. Joy would have been proud of me, after I had instructed my three-year-old granddaughter to pick up her blocks. When she looked at me with a bit of a sideways smile and did NOT begin to pick up anything, I got up and went to her, took her little hand in mine, and “picked up” a block with my hand and her hand, then another and another.
She grinned, enjoyed it, then said, “I can do it!” Then she picked up the rest of the blocks.
Ka-ching! Investment (leaving my comfortable chair, to teach her) paid off immediately!
Yes, it’s harder to be a great parent!
But you can do it. Your love is strong enough to raise a child who is well-adjusted, responsible, kind and selfless. Your love is strong enough to set boundaries that give your child security and teach how to live contentedly in a world of many boundaries.
Your love is strong enough to realize what is going on, and how to strengthen your child’s character, despite media and advertisers’ working to convince you to spend all your money on your child, to give them junk food, to support the gaming industry, all at your child’s expense, (as well as at YOUR EXPENSE).
Love them in the best ways! Your “no’s” to the children are hardest for YOU. They will cope. And when you see them becoming less spoiled, less insistent, less demanding, you will be happy to know you are succeeding in raising a child of character. And in so doing, you will be loving yourself.
Next blog: So what are some steps to raising a great parent of the future?
- Published on
Being loving toward others is a great way to live.
Hospitality is a great way to show love and help make others feel significant.
We humans all - each and every one - want to feel significant.
We all - each and every - feel unworthy, less than, needy for worth.
Guess what it takes to give someone the gift of significance? — It takes telling them how great they are.
On a flight back to Texas, we watched a flight attendant, young, attractive, gracious, kind lady, serving lunch for the passengers. She was working around a bit of a bumpy ride, a tiny galley, and managed to serve a nice lunch to everyone, with a nice smile for all, in amazingly quick time.
As she came to collect our meal trays, I said to her, “You are amazing!” She looked at me, and replied, “The chicken was amazing?” I said, “The chicken was nice. YOU are amazing!” And as she looked at me, totally surprised and pleased, after a moment’s hesitation, she said, “Wow. (pause….) Thank you.” She was more than pleased. She was very touched and very happy. She felt significant.
What a tiny thing to make her feel great! And I felt most happy as well!
“Be so busy giving others recognition that you don’t really need it for yourself.”
~ Jim Rohn
And, know as you change another, and another - it will change you too. YOU will feel significant!
“If you help other people get what they want, you’ll get what you want.”
~ Zig Ziglar
You COULD decide to give every person you encounter today some loving recognition. And as you do, you WILL feel so very great! It comes back to you many-fold.
Because I KNOW you are amazing, full of love and inspiration.
I am PROUD of you.
Thank you for being in MY life.
Love,
We all - each and every - feel unworthy, less than, needy for worth.
Guess what it takes to give someone the gift of significance? — It takes telling them how great they are.
On a flight back to Texas, we watched a flight attendant, young, attractive, gracious, kind lady, serving lunch for the passengers. She was working around a bit of a bumpy ride, a tiny galley, and managed to serve a nice lunch to everyone, with a nice smile for all, in amazingly quick time.
As she came to collect our meal trays, I said to her, “You are amazing!” She looked at me, and replied, “The chicken was amazing?” I said, “The chicken was nice. YOU are amazing!” And as she looked at me, totally surprised and pleased, after a moment’s hesitation, she said, “Wow. (pause….) Thank you.” She was more than pleased. She was very touched and very happy. She felt significant.
What a tiny thing to make her feel great! And I felt most happy as well!
“Be so busy giving others recognition that you don’t really need it for yourself.”
~ Jim Rohn
And, know as you change another, and another - it will change you too. YOU will feel significant!
“If you help other people get what they want, you’ll get what you want.”
~ Zig Ziglar
You COULD decide to give every person you encounter today some loving recognition. And as you do, you WILL feel so very great! It comes back to you many-fold.
Because I KNOW you are amazing, full of love and inspiration.
I am PROUD of you.
Thank you for being in MY life.
Love,
- Published on
Raising confident, self-reliant children should be a priority in modern society. The combination of gratitude and perseverance will serve them all their lives.
Dr Chris Baker's book, REAL, gives life strategies, including guidance for parents wanting to raise responsible, mature children.
A sense of personal responsibility is vital for children to develop happy and productive lives.
Dr John Rosemond's book, New Parent Power!, is a classic work on how to raise emotionally mature, stable and responsible children.
Putting your children on the right path to emotional stability and maturity requires giving them life tasks that accustom them to responsibility and confidence.
Her mother and father are in grief, probably still every day. Maybe she had siblings who are as well. She died one morning in August, 2016, when she took her life, jumping from her eighth floor medical school dorm room in New York City.
The medical school is scrambling to “pledge more compassion,” according to the dean of the Mount Sinai Medical School in his essay in the New England Journal of Medicine.
Why would he say that? People who go into Medicine are typically quite compassionate to begin with. They care about others. Most of them.
Of course, within any group of people, there are those who may be driven more by financial reasons, or who have mental health issues, even severe ones. But still, why would he say they will pledge more compassion? He’s on the hot-seat. His school has lost two medical students to suicide recently.
So, the spokesperson for the school has to respond.
Let us look at what seems to be going on.
Firstly: Culture of blame/victimhood. Our culture has become one of blame - both through our human wish to not think “bad” things are our fault and through our legal system that follows and assigns blame, and quite honestly, punishment, for the blamed.
Shall we call it blame?
Or shall we call it victim-mentality?
We have lost way too much of our sense of personal responsibility. We are not teaching our children responsibility. Our culture is rife with children who are not growing up well. The media is full of information about how the millennials, our young people “need” more support and direction in the workforce, and are not as capable of full responsibility and enjoyment in the working world as their predecessors.
Should a physician not be one of the MOST responsible members of society? The “millennials” are reputed to be sensitive, incapable of the kind of responsibility and commitment that their parents and grandparents exhibit. They have been called “snowflakes” referring to their fragility.
Do we want fragile physicians?
Secondly: Belief in mental issues, mental illness, and need for psychiatric counseling. The follow-up to the medical student suicides has the schools looking at how they can provide more support to the students in the area of psychiatric visits for mental health support at discounted fees, and “breaks” after the adult medical students experience the death of a patient.
Reading a recent Wall Street Journal article (Lagnado L, After Tragedy, Med School Pledges More Compassion. WSJ 2017.03.23), I found myself agape.
As a 10-year critical care nurse, I not only experienced death of patients on a regular basis, but was responsible for the life-saving measures to attempt to save and prolong life. Did we nurses feel affected when a patient died?
Of course. What did I feel when the cardiologist patted me on the shoulder, and said, “Do what you can,” and left the ICU? I felt a sense of huge responsibility, commitment, love and concern for the patient and family.
What did I feel when we had lost a child patient in the emergency room and the attending ER doc said, “Would you go tell the family?” Huge responsibility, commitment, love and concern. I knew I could do that well, even knowing I would most likely be teary with the parents, and help them through the first moments.
And these docs who delegated huge responsibility to a capable and dedicated nurse were not snowflakes. They were quite responsible with venerable careers in medicine who were sharing shouldering the burden of human suffering.
None of my colleagues nor the physicians that I knew well had psychiatric or psychologic counseling or “breaks” when the patient died. We all grew emotionally, spiritually, and in our awareness of the preciousness of life as well as the limitations of life, medicine — even modern medicine.
For me and my colleagues, in medicine and in patient care, each day is one full of anticipation and excitement for what we can bring to our patients. It is a day full of Gratitude as the day’s operative belief.
Why are medical school academics not familiar and comfortable for the medical student?
OK - I went to dental school, AND worked basically full-time as a nurse, through my four years of dental school. I have been appointed to faculties at 3 dental schools and taught medical and dental students, and I have been part of admission committees deciding which applicants get an interview, and which of the interviewees get an offer to be a student in that school.
I have watched my son become a dental school faculty member after his medical school education, and in addition to his huge responsibilities running two clinics, faculty practice, and the other a patient care clinic, he is doing his post-doctoral Master’s in Public Health and being an active husband and father in his nuclear family. (And yes, he has a wonderful wife!) He loves it all. It makes for a wonderful life of love of others.
As to the medical education and its academic pressures: The students admitted to medical school have demonstrated academic ability in the tough pre-med courses, and finish those with high GPA’s, high MCAT scores, and high involvement in extra-curricular activities. In fact, the committees aren’t interested in students who have not shown a high involvement in extra-curricular areas, including work.
Why? Because, the student who has not handled the well-rounded schedule of schoolwork, community work, and other areas of teamwork, will not thrive in medical school. Other areas of teamwork include athletics, music (choir, band, etc.), volunteer work. These help show an applicant’s balance and “whole-person-ness.”
Grueling academics? Sure, it’s top-level academics. Don’t you want your physician to know stuff? But grueling? These students have shown they can handle their demanding academics and still handle life. There are days, weeks, semesters, in medical school that challenge one, and especially the student with a young family, or with family members who are very ill, or a marriage that is not solid.
And, the schools might need to improve their support of those students in that the student should be encouraged to take a leave of absence in order to deal with the life-challenges and then come back to medical school if they feel — and are — ready.
Surely, even our most capable students, admitted to medical school, having grown up in our victim-culture, modern media, including news, movies and social-media, and resultant societal beliefs, are vulnerable to, as the articles suggest, the “burn-out” and depression of being a medical student.
It is the school’s responsibility to help any students that are not thriving, to be identified and counseled that the fit of the profession may not be for them, to encourage student groups to discuss and help each other in the experiences of medical training. But to decide that, as Mt Sinai has done, that “honors” should be given to more than just the 25% that earned it, that “high pass” should also be given to a bigger group, is absurd. Their rationale is that the system “PROVOKED intense rivalry among students,” is the same sort of thinking that leads every soccer player to get a trophy.
And so, Mt Sinai med school “hopes to drop these limits altogether.” Every student will be equal.
REALLY?
Isn’t that more of what got us into this mess already? When the students have no evaluations or performance grading, how will the residencies and post-doctoral specialty programs choose their applicants from the pool. The suicidal med student will be an equivalent candidate to the most mature med student?
What kind of medical care will be provided by the student who has been told he is “honors” material when he is not, or by the student who believes he is “burned out” when he graduates, or by the student who utilizes the psychiatrist who is treating the mental health issues the young physician believes he has? Do you want your physician to be one of those doctors?
And, as my husband Claude points out, after his law school education, what a field-day the lawyers will have when a family or patient sues the doctor who has a history of psychiatric /psychologic counseling throughout school and beyond. (HIPAA, you say?
There is no such thing as confidentiality today. Just ask the leakers of the highest level confidential and classified information in the news, no less. No, on top of burn out, those physicians will have a hell of a time with the lawyers.
Yes, the medical schools owe their students the responsibility of taking the most ready, capable, mature, mentally healthy applicants, and then monitoring them at every level possible, and guiding, supporting and mentoring them to remain capable, mature, and mentally healthy. The schools must understand that what we believe is what we become.
The physicians who are responsible for these medical students must be brave enough to notice, say so, help as they can, including limiting the at-risk student to a leave of absence, or out of school. That is far better than seeing medical student lives lost to suicide, AND patient lives lost to mentally fragile physicians.
And we as parents must work on teaching our children responsibility and not victimhood. Let us have days full of Gratitude as the day’s operative belief. It is time.
The medical school is scrambling to “pledge more compassion,” according to the dean of the Mount Sinai Medical School in his essay in the New England Journal of Medicine.
Why would he say that? People who go into Medicine are typically quite compassionate to begin with. They care about others. Most of them.
Of course, within any group of people, there are those who may be driven more by financial reasons, or who have mental health issues, even severe ones. But still, why would he say they will pledge more compassion? He’s on the hot-seat. His school has lost two medical students to suicide recently.
So, the spokesperson for the school has to respond.
Let us look at what seems to be going on.
Firstly: Culture of blame/victimhood. Our culture has become one of blame - both through our human wish to not think “bad” things are our fault and through our legal system that follows and assigns blame, and quite honestly, punishment, for the blamed.
Shall we call it blame?
Or shall we call it victim-mentality?
We have lost way too much of our sense of personal responsibility. We are not teaching our children responsibility. Our culture is rife with children who are not growing up well. The media is full of information about how the millennials, our young people “need” more support and direction in the workforce, and are not as capable of full responsibility and enjoyment in the working world as their predecessors.
Should a physician not be one of the MOST responsible members of society? The “millennials” are reputed to be sensitive, incapable of the kind of responsibility and commitment that their parents and grandparents exhibit. They have been called “snowflakes” referring to their fragility.
Do we want fragile physicians?
Secondly: Belief in mental issues, mental illness, and need for psychiatric counseling. The follow-up to the medical student suicides has the schools looking at how they can provide more support to the students in the area of psychiatric visits for mental health support at discounted fees, and “breaks” after the adult medical students experience the death of a patient.
Reading a recent Wall Street Journal article (Lagnado L, After Tragedy, Med School Pledges More Compassion. WSJ 2017.03.23), I found myself agape.
As a 10-year critical care nurse, I not only experienced death of patients on a regular basis, but was responsible for the life-saving measures to attempt to save and prolong life. Did we nurses feel affected when a patient died?
Of course. What did I feel when the cardiologist patted me on the shoulder, and said, “Do what you can,” and left the ICU? I felt a sense of huge responsibility, commitment, love and concern for the patient and family.
What did I feel when we had lost a child patient in the emergency room and the attending ER doc said, “Would you go tell the family?” Huge responsibility, commitment, love and concern. I knew I could do that well, even knowing I would most likely be teary with the parents, and help them through the first moments.
And these docs who delegated huge responsibility to a capable and dedicated nurse were not snowflakes. They were quite responsible with venerable careers in medicine who were sharing shouldering the burden of human suffering.
None of my colleagues nor the physicians that I knew well had psychiatric or psychologic counseling or “breaks” when the patient died. We all grew emotionally, spiritually, and in our awareness of the preciousness of life as well as the limitations of life, medicine — even modern medicine.
For me and my colleagues, in medicine and in patient care, each day is one full of anticipation and excitement for what we can bring to our patients. It is a day full of Gratitude as the day’s operative belief.
Why are medical school academics not familiar and comfortable for the medical student?
OK - I went to dental school, AND worked basically full-time as a nurse, through my four years of dental school. I have been appointed to faculties at 3 dental schools and taught medical and dental students, and I have been part of admission committees deciding which applicants get an interview, and which of the interviewees get an offer to be a student in that school.
I have watched my son become a dental school faculty member after his medical school education, and in addition to his huge responsibilities running two clinics, faculty practice, and the other a patient care clinic, he is doing his post-doctoral Master’s in Public Health and being an active husband and father in his nuclear family. (And yes, he has a wonderful wife!) He loves it all. It makes for a wonderful life of love of others.
As to the medical education and its academic pressures: The students admitted to medical school have demonstrated academic ability in the tough pre-med courses, and finish those with high GPA’s, high MCAT scores, and high involvement in extra-curricular activities. In fact, the committees aren’t interested in students who have not shown a high involvement in extra-curricular areas, including work.
Why? Because, the student who has not handled the well-rounded schedule of schoolwork, community work, and other areas of teamwork, will not thrive in medical school. Other areas of teamwork include athletics, music (choir, band, etc.), volunteer work. These help show an applicant’s balance and “whole-person-ness.”
Grueling academics? Sure, it’s top-level academics. Don’t you want your physician to know stuff? But grueling? These students have shown they can handle their demanding academics and still handle life. There are days, weeks, semesters, in medical school that challenge one, and especially the student with a young family, or with family members who are very ill, or a marriage that is not solid.
And, the schools might need to improve their support of those students in that the student should be encouraged to take a leave of absence in order to deal with the life-challenges and then come back to medical school if they feel — and are — ready.
Surely, even our most capable students, admitted to medical school, having grown up in our victim-culture, modern media, including news, movies and social-media, and resultant societal beliefs, are vulnerable to, as the articles suggest, the “burn-out” and depression of being a medical student.
It is the school’s responsibility to help any students that are not thriving, to be identified and counseled that the fit of the profession may not be for them, to encourage student groups to discuss and help each other in the experiences of medical training. But to decide that, as Mt Sinai has done, that “honors” should be given to more than just the 25% that earned it, that “high pass” should also be given to a bigger group, is absurd. Their rationale is that the system “PROVOKED intense rivalry among students,” is the same sort of thinking that leads every soccer player to get a trophy.
And so, Mt Sinai med school “hopes to drop these limits altogether.” Every student will be equal.
REALLY?
Isn’t that more of what got us into this mess already? When the students have no evaluations or performance grading, how will the residencies and post-doctoral specialty programs choose their applicants from the pool. The suicidal med student will be an equivalent candidate to the most mature med student?
What kind of medical care will be provided by the student who has been told he is “honors” material when he is not, or by the student who believes he is “burned out” when he graduates, or by the student who utilizes the psychiatrist who is treating the mental health issues the young physician believes he has? Do you want your physician to be one of those doctors?
And, as my husband Claude points out, after his law school education, what a field-day the lawyers will have when a family or patient sues the doctor who has a history of psychiatric /psychologic counseling throughout school and beyond. (HIPAA, you say?
There is no such thing as confidentiality today. Just ask the leakers of the highest level confidential and classified information in the news, no less. No, on top of burn out, those physicians will have a hell of a time with the lawyers.
Yes, the medical schools owe their students the responsibility of taking the most ready, capable, mature, mentally healthy applicants, and then monitoring them at every level possible, and guiding, supporting and mentoring them to remain capable, mature, and mentally healthy. The schools must understand that what we believe is what we become.
The physicians who are responsible for these medical students must be brave enough to notice, say so, help as they can, including limiting the at-risk student to a leave of absence, or out of school. That is far better than seeing medical student lives lost to suicide, AND patient lives lost to mentally fragile physicians.
And we as parents must work on teaching our children responsibility and not victimhood. Let us have days full of Gratitude as the day’s operative belief. It is time.
- Published on
Activities for children where they learn real-life skills are far healthier than screen use.
Cris A. Rowan's book, Virtual Child, describes the dangers to children created by screen use.
Excluding screen use by children helps create a bright future for your child.
Handheld Devices should be banned for children under the age of 12, AND screens and technology should be severely limited with all children.
Why? The American Academy of Pediatrics and the Canadian Society of Pediatrics say:
Because use of screen technology (TV, cell phones, electronic games, internet, iPads, tablets, computers) is associated with:
Pediatricians report seeing patients age 3 to 6 years old who have become addicted to their devices and do not sleep more than 4 hours a night, and cannot cope with the device being taken away.
High frequency gamma brainwaves are associated with perception and higher brain activity, and are present when a child is telling a story, listening to a story, drawing or playing imaginatively with other children.
Research shows this brain activity flatlines (is ABSENT) when children are on screens. This is serious, especially in a child whose brain should be rapidly developing at age 2... or 3... or 4... or 8 or 9…
Instead, the doctors are seeing the children because they do not sleep, have delayed speech and have persistent headaches, ADD, ADHD.
The terrifying truth is that technology is taking our children’s futures! Read: Virtual Child: The Terrifying Truth About What Technology is Doing to Children by Cris A. Rowan . (See the left column to order this book.)
We have gone down the wrong path. Technology as a learning mechanism is just plain wrong. I know, I know. How could alll these educators be wrong? We don’t know until we know. Now we are seeing the results, number 1 through 10, above.
Protect your child. Take away the handheld devices; seriously limit ALL screens - TV’s, movies, games, iPads, tablets and all!
Why? The American Academy of Pediatrics and the Canadian Society of Pediatrics say:
Because use of screen technology (TV, cell phones, electronic games, internet, iPads, tablets, computers) is associated with:
- stunted, delayed, impaired, and decreased brain growth.
- developmental delays, poorer literacy, poorer learning and poorer academic achievement;
- obesity and diabetes;
- poor sleep;
- poorer grades;
- mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety, attachment disorder, attention deficit disorder, autism, bipolar disorder, psychosis, behavioral problems and aggression;
- decreased concentration and memory, due to the brain not developing neuronal tracks to the frontal cortex;
- addictions;
- radiation illnesses, including cancer. Children are more sensitive than adults because their brains and immune systems are still developing;
- lack of a good future.
Pediatricians report seeing patients age 3 to 6 years old who have become addicted to their devices and do not sleep more than 4 hours a night, and cannot cope with the device being taken away.
High frequency gamma brainwaves are associated with perception and higher brain activity, and are present when a child is telling a story, listening to a story, drawing or playing imaginatively with other children.
Research shows this brain activity flatlines (is ABSENT) when children are on screens. This is serious, especially in a child whose brain should be rapidly developing at age 2... or 3... or 4... or 8 or 9…
Instead, the doctors are seeing the children because they do not sleep, have delayed speech and have persistent headaches, ADD, ADHD.
The terrifying truth is that technology is taking our children’s futures! Read: Virtual Child: The Terrifying Truth About What Technology is Doing to Children by Cris A. Rowan . (See the left column to order this book.)
We have gone down the wrong path. Technology as a learning mechanism is just plain wrong. I know, I know. How could alll these educators be wrong? We don’t know until we know. Now we are seeing the results, number 1 through 10, above.
Protect your child. Take away the handheld devices; seriously limit ALL screens - TV’s, movies, games, iPads, tablets and all!
