Blog Archives

Smiles, Play and Laughter

4/25/2017

Kindness, commitment, dedication and integrity are key factors in a winning team. Dr Chris Baker and her husband Claude (back row) love working at the American Dental Center in Abu Dhabi, UAE.

Build a winning life with your team by using the strategies Dr Chris shares in her book, REAL.

The Pediatric and Orthodontic Department of the American Dental Center in Abu Dhabi.

At the American Dental Center in Abu Dhabi, UAE, I am so very fortunate to work with some amazing team members.

These ladies (and a gentleman or two) are the kind of people who make the world better just because they are in it.

These doctors and staff are kind, committed, dedicated, and have integrity. As most folks, each has a story of major challenges and the courageous ways they handled or are handling those challenges.

To start with, they have each left their home country after dental school or training, and come alone to the UAE to work. That takes some bravery!

Each morning, as we close our half hour report with “words for the day,” these ladies bring amazing words and energy to all of us.

They give me strength and make me better! How it could be that God has put me in the midst of this powerful love, I do not know. But there I am, smack dab in the middle of it!

Each and every one in this team, gives the patients love and exquisite orthodontic care, AND a smile. A smile for every single patient and parent. And you know what? We get it back - compounded interest. More back than we “put in.”

The wisdom this team lives carries us all in joy:

Play and laughter give us strength and heal our souls.

You don’t have tomorrow yet, and yesterday is gone. Make everything of this moment!

Miracles are ours so we can celebrate life. My smile and joyful energy flows through me to others and makes them happy.

And that makes me happy!

Hug your team this week. Isn’t life precious?

Love,

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Have you written them down?

4/16/2017

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About 12 years ago, Dr Chris Baker and her husband were stranded in Seattle. With a view of Mt. Ranier from their hotel room, they decided to use the day to write down their future goals. The results would change their lives. (Photo by Dave Menke. Wikimedia Commons image)

One of America's greatest business philosophers was Jim Rohn. His "7 Strategies for Wealth & Happiness" gives excellent goal-setting guidance.

A change in flight scheduling caused Dr Chris and her husband Claude to be "stranded in Seattle" for an extra day after a CE course. The extra day spent in that city would change their lives.

One morning about 12 years ago, Claude and I found ourselves in a small hotel, our window overlooking Mt. Rainier in Seattle.

We had missed a flight after a CE course, and while we needed to get home to patients and family, there was no way to do that. The Universe had other plans.

There we were with a gorgeous view of the snow-capped mountain, a couple of juicy delicious peaches and some cheese we had bought at Pike Place Market, sitting at our little desk-repurposed table.

Many mentors and leaders in personal development talk about writing your goals down. They say it's an important exercise.

So, we wrote out our goals for the immediate future, and for one year, five years, 10 years and 20 years into the future. We wrote goals in categories; health, our relationship, each child, personal achievements, career and business, wealth, playtime, hobbies, adventure and travel, contribution and spirituality. Each one was stated as our desired goal, “or better," because the Universe has a way of making it better.

Was it our view? The breezy perfect air on our walks about the hotel? The interaction together? The goals themselves?

Or was it the mystical energy we garnered in the experience and actions of all of that? No matter. We found ourselves more than excited, full of energy and expectation, and EVER SO GRATEFUL for the extra day we were “forced” to spend in Seattle. It is the stuff of all our dreams.

Then we wrote actions, daily disciplines toward each and every goal to get us going.

You know what? Those goals have almost all been met. They have come to pass or surpass! And we write new goals VERY frequently. And begin actions toward them.

Writing goals down does the following things:

1. You define your goals. You know your target. (Can’t hit a target if you have no idea where it is.) What would your goal be if you KNEW you could not fail?
2. You get excited about your goals. The feeling is amazing!
3. Your goals become approachable — and reachable.

Approachable means you start to crystallize what steps you can take to move toward the goals. You now have defined not only the end-point goal, but the steps you can begin to take.
Don’t worry and fret over the actions. Just begin. You can do course correction. It’s like a GPS “recalculating”.

This week - perhaps today - you can write ‘em down! Write rapidly. Again, don’t fret - just write. Keep it simple - no excess words - just the endpoint: “dream house. pool. Virginia.” Be a kid - no limits! Make it fun.

You’re on your way.

Love,

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You Determine Your Life's Trajectory

4/9/2017

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It is the tiny daily decisions that you make that create your life.

According to Jim Rohn, "Your philosophy determines whether you will go for the disciplines or continue the errors."

It is the tiny daily decisions that you make that create your life.

“Do I eat this or do I eat that? Do I read and study and grow? Do I go for a walk, or sit and watch TV? Do I invest some money every pay? Do I push myself? Do I love and give compassion and love to everyone I meet? Am I diligent, or do I focus on my fatigue?”

Each decision guides your path - a path of happiness and success or one taking you the other way.

It has been said that only five percent of folks operate on the level of diligence and disciplines, while the other 95 percent use poorer and broken approaches.

The best decisions are easy to do — and easy not to do. One poorer decision may not make a difference today, but over time…. you get the idea.

Today, you can decide what you will eat, what you will do, how you will use money, and how you will approach the people you encounter. You can make each tiny decision and define the trajectory of your life.

Course correction is possible, and necessary - the space shuttle is constantly correcting its course.

“Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort.” ~ Paul J. Meyer

Go for the joy! Go for the gusto! Go for it!

“Your philosophy determines whether you will go for the disciplines or continue the errors.”
~ Jim Rohn

“100 percent commitment is easier than 98 percent commitment.” When you justify incongruent behaviors once, you open the door to a lifetime of justifications.”
~ Dr. Clayton Christensen

It’s a new day! It’s your day! Make it a great one full of great tiny decisions. And then just see where you go!

Here’s to your success!

Love,

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Steps to Raising a Great Parent of the Future

4/9/2017

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Holding your child accountable gives them strength and capability to live well in the world.

Psychologist Dr John Rosemond's book, New Parent Power!, is an excellent guide for parents wanting to raise responsible children.

The parents are in charge of setting the boundaries for their child's life.

Dr Chris Baker's book, REAL, is an excellent guide for living a health and productive life, including wise advice for parenting.

Self-discipline, respectfulness and responsibility help lead a child to live a productive life of accomplishment

Holding your child accountable (responsible) gives them strength and capability to live well in the world. BUT - IT’S HARDER TO TEACH THEM RESPONSIBILITY, than to do things yourself. Yet, it is worth it!! Here are some important ways to raise a responsible young adult, beginning in toddler-hood.

ONE: It’s easier to pick up after your children than to have them do it. Resist doing that.

Teach them that after playtime is clean up time. Teach them that after meals is clean up time and they are responsible until it’s complete.

No more dishes put into the sink for you to clean. No more leaving the kitchen before all clean up is finished. A toddler can happily sit on the counter after she finishes what she can do, as you finish up what you need to do. You are teaching her what is entailed in the after-meal time, and she will want to help more and more. That’s what toddlers do! Take advantage.

Teach your children now, before they expect NOT to participate in clean-up.

TWO: Never allow your children to speak disrespectfully to you.

Your child needs the security of your being in charge. As he/she learns to be respectful to you, his future is brighter - better jobs, better relationships, better life. It’s hard to imagine that precious baby becoming a master manipulator, but indeed, they quickly learn what makes you give in.

“Mommy, I hate you!”

Whoa - those words lay you back! You are stymied, paralyzed.

'If my child hates me, then I am really worthless, right?' WRONG!

If your child learns those words work to get him what he wants, then we are harming his character. Words that sink your heart are just words. They are your child’s attempt to get his/her way. Truly!

THREE: You are in charge of setting the boundaries for your child’s life.

You decide the boundaries of what they wear, what they do, what music they listen to, what and how much screen time they get, if any. (The studies are coming out faster and faster showing how damaging screens are for children and teenagers' brain development and ability to cope with life and future happiness.)

It’s right to say, “No, you may not have that child over (or spend time with) - we don’t like those people,” and, “No, we will not spend money on that.”

This is how character is developed. This is how a child learns what is right. These child-raising boundaries give your child the best chance possible.

FOUR: Teach them dropping out is not an option.

If a child wants to “quit” his karate lessons, piano lessons, soccer team, and so on, find out why. Most likely they just don’t “feel like” putting forth the effort.

It is a valuable life lesson to “never give up.” Plus, these activities have been shown in studies to help them do better academically. Unless your child is burdened with TOO MANY ACTIVITIES, keep the activity up! Keep taking them to the activity! You are forming character, intelligence and coping!

FIVE: A child being rude or behaving badly is a child behaving as a spoiled brat.

Do not allow a child to practice spoiled-brat behavior. The younger your child is, the easier it is to teach polite and gracious behavior. If you say, “thank you,” your child will follow suit. If your child has just demanded something in a rude way, you can have them repeat their “request” in a polite way.

For example, “Give me candy!” — “May I please have some candy?” Be sure they say the whole sentence. Training them to add “Please” to their demand is not teaching graciousness. Training them to say a polite question is teaching the right way. AND, YOU MAY STILL SAY “NO” to their question.

Teaching graciousness is one boundary, and what they may have is another boundary. You get two for the price of one here!

You may enjoy John Rosemond’s work on these topics. As a child psychologist, he’s written and spoken about raising happy and responsible children for decades. HIs books are supportive, full of sanity and wonderful.

Always follow through.

When you tell your child that she must stop screaming, or go to his room, follow through. Better, give her the choice,”You may stop screaming or you may go to your room. Which do you choose?”

If she says, “I don’t choose either one,” you may say, “That’s fine. Then I choose for you. And take her to her room (a room without electronic screens, wifi access, etc, but with books and paper and pencil or crayons).

She needs to know you mean it.

Pretty soon your children will be doing better. Keep going!

Pretty soon they will be coping, and then you’ll notice they actually expect you to say, “No.” They’ll stop asking as often, and they’ll be more pleasant to be around. Your friends will notice what nice children you have. Life gets easier. And better. Your children will have a brighter future.

Congratulations to you! You are a role model of note. You will raise healthier children. You are loving in the greatest ways!

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Four Steps to Raising a Brat

4/7/2017

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Future generations of your family will bloom and prosper if you teach your child self-discipline and respect.

Dr John Rosemond's excellent book, "New Parent Power!" is a useful guide for raising responsible children.

A child's character and personality are like gardens. There is regular "weeding" needing to be done to ensure responsibility and character. This is what successful parenting accomplishes.

The Four Steps to Raising a Brat

   1. Work hard to make sure your child likes you all the time.
   2. Give them everything they want.
   3. Baby them - give in when they whine.
   4. Don’t ever hold them accountable. No consequences - ever.

I remember holding my newborn son upon arrival home from the hospital, and as I caressed his tiny perfect feet, I thought, “I don’t want him ever to be hurt. Ever.” My instinct to protect this precious baby I had birthed just a couple of days before, was so strong I knew I’d give my life for him.

It is a confusing thing to love a child with that intensity, and to need to learn quickly (they grow so quickly) how to temper that instinct to give them everything they want.

Even babies can be very convincing. Their instincts to get everything they want are as strong as our instinct to give it to them.

What a conundrum for the parent! And, surely, as Jennie Scott says, “We’re killing our kids and calling it love.”

Look at these definitions:
spoil / spoil/

v. (past tense spoiled or Brit. spoilt) 1. to diminish or destroy the value or quality of; 2. to destroy or reduce the pleasure, interest, or beauty of; 3. to harm the character of a child by being too lenient or indulgent

brat /

n. a child, especially an annoying, impolite or spoiled child
Children and teens who are perceived as spoiled may be described as "overindulged", "grandiose", "narcissistic" or “egocentric-regressed”.

In spoiling our children we are diminishing or destroying their value as adults, harming their character by giving them everything they want (being too lenient or indulgent), and they are perceived by others as narcissistic. Which is true.

Think about it - the selling of t-shirts that say, “I’m a spoiled brat - and proud of it!”
And, “I’m the one in charge here.” These shirts on children reinforce that a child who is being spoiled (harmed) is somehow to be proud of it!
Let’s get back to basics here:

How are we spoiling our children? How are we missing the boat in raising them?

Here are the major ways. I'll repeat myself, here. Society teaches you to:

   1. Work hard to make sure your child likes you all the time.
   2. Give them everything they want.
   3. Baby them - give in when they whine.
   4. Don’t ever hold them accountable. No consequences - ever.

Diana, a dear friend and fantastic mom of eight children (three biologic and five adopted), once told me, “Our job as parents is to raise a child up to be a great parent.”

Wow! That puts it in perspective.

We are our children’s hope for the future. We are the world’s hope for the future.

Your child will NOT like you all the time.

- If you don’t give them everything they want, they will NOT like you all the time.
- And if you DO give them “everything they want,” they will NOT like you all the time!

That is because the more you give, the more they want. Not only can you not keep up and cannot give them everything they want, the child comes to believe the world works like that. The parent is training the child to be demanding, expectant, entitled, whiny, and eventually possibly violently demanding.

A temper tantrum in a two-year-old is tiresome and no fun. When it occurs at 13, it can be downright frightening. The only way to reduce that possibility is to stand your ground when they are two (and always). It is right to deny them EVERYTHING they are demanding in the two-year-old tantrum, so they can learn that doesn’t work.

It’s hard for you to realize that your child won’t understand why you stood your ground and why they were raised differently than their friends, until they are MUCH older. It may not be until they have their own children that they understand. That time seems very far off.

It’s hard for you to deal with your child being upset now. But, giving in to anything and everything they want is hurting their character. It will hurt the character of your future grandchildren (because your grandchildren’s parents will not have had a role model to follow in raising your grandchildren.) It’s the opposite of loving your children.

Giving in “eventually” when they whine and carry on teaches children that you have to whine and carry on to get what you want. It teaches them that “No” means “Whine and carry on, and wait a few minutes, to get what you want.” It teaches your children that they can have what they want if they act badly.

This will destroy their lives, because the world doesn’t work that way. Know what would happen if you whine and carry on when your boss says, “No”? At best you wouldn’t get what you want. At worst - ??

Jennie Scott, in her writing about raising children, points out that “The measuring stick of successful parenting is definitely not happy children. Well-adjusted, responsible, kind and selfless children? Absolutely. Happy and spoiled? No way. “

Being a parent is hard work. It’s harder to be a good parent. It’s harder to get up off the couch and pick up your child who is not picking his toys up, than to sit on the couch and “count to three.” But counting to three is spoiling the child. It’s harder to insist the child takes his dish to the dishwasher than to carry it with yours. It’s harder to be a great parent!

I remember my mother, Joy, teaching us how to be great parents. Joy would have been proud of me, after I had instructed my three-year-old granddaughter to pick up her blocks. When she looked at me with a bit of a sideways smile and did NOT begin to pick up anything, I got up and went to her, took her little hand in mine, and “picked up” a block with my hand and her hand, then another and another.

She grinned, enjoyed it, then said, “I can do it!” Then she picked up the rest of the blocks.

Ka-ching! Investment (leaving my comfortable chair, to teach her) paid off immediately!

Yes, it’s harder to be a great parent!

But you can do it. Your love is strong enough to raise a child who is well-adjusted, responsible, kind and selfless. Your love is strong enough to set boundaries that give your child security and teach how to live contentedly in a world of many boundaries.

Your love is strong enough to realize what is going on, and how to strengthen your child’s character, despite media and advertisers’ working to convince you to spend all your money on your child, to give them junk food, to support the gaming industry, all at your child’s expense, (as well as at YOUR EXPENSE).

Love them in the best ways! Your “no’s” to the children are hardest for YOU. They will cope. And when you see them becoming less spoiled, less insistent, less demanding, you will be happy to know you are succeeding in raising a child of character. And in so doing, you will be loving yourself.

Next blog: So what are some steps to raising a great parent of the future?

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The People Around You

4/3/2017

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Being loving toward others is a great way to live.

Hospitality is a great way to show love and help make others feel significant.

We humans all - each and every one - want to feel significant.

We all - each and every - feel unworthy, less than, needy for worth.

Guess what it takes to give someone the gift of significance? — It takes telling them how great they are.

On a flight back to Texas, we watched a flight attendant, young, attractive, gracious, kind lady, serving lunch for the passengers. She was working around a bit of a bumpy ride, a tiny galley, and managed to serve a nice lunch to everyone, with a nice smile for all, in amazingly quick time.

As she came to collect our meal trays, I said to her, “You are amazing!” She looked at me, and replied, “The chicken was amazing?” I said, “The chicken was nice. YOU are amazing!” And as she looked at me, totally surprised and pleased, after a moment’s hesitation, she said, “Wow. (pause….) Thank you.” She was more than pleased. She was very touched and very happy. She felt significant.

What a tiny thing to make her feel great! And I felt most happy as well!

“Be so busy giving others recognition that you don’t really need it for yourself.”
~ Jim Rohn

And, know as you change another, and another - it will change you too. YOU will feel significant!

“If you help other people get what they want, you’ll get what you want.”
~ Zig Ziglar

You COULD decide to give every person you encounter today some loving recognition. And as you do, you WILL feel so very great! It comes back to you many-fold.

Because I KNOW you are amazing, full of love and inspiration.

I am PROUD of you.

Thank you for being in MY life.

Love,

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Smiles, Play and Laughter

﻿Have you written them down?

You Determine Your Life's Trajectory

Steps to Raising a Great Parent of the Future

﻿Four Steps to Raising a Brat

The People Around You

Dr Chris Baker

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Have you written them down?

Four Steps to Raising a Brat